Acceptance

"Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune." - William James

When someone gives you a gift on your birthday, it is usually not difficult to accept it. We are also able to accept food, service, friendships, and more. These are things we tend to desire, which makes it easier to receive. However, when life throws us a trial, we struggle to accept it.

It makes perfect sense. Honestly. Why would we accept something that could hurt us? It would be like someone with lactose intolerance accepting a glass of milk or a bunch of cheese. That would be crazy.

Recently, I was given an trial that has become quite difficult. In fact, for a while, I was angry, upset and frustrated with why I had this and would not accept the fact or problem. It has affected my work, social and physical life. There have been so many ups and downs, and twists and turns, that have left me dumbfounded and confused. Then one morning, I came to a realization that I could not control what was going on with my body, but I could control of how I look at it and accepting that this trial is a part of my life. That has made all the difference in the world.

George Orwell has said, "Happiness can exist only in acceptance." How true that is. We become truly happy when we accept whatever we've been given. Looking at a different vista has given me more joy. It doesn't mean that it isn't hard. It does mean that the outcome, whatever it may be, will be what is supposed to happen.

In the end, we can accept what we are given, and hope for more. This quote says it all. "Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them." Brendon Francis

A Continuation of My Journey

The months after the diagnosis were very difficult. It was almost like I was attempting to relearn how to eat and how much eat at a time. I felt like a baby, especially when people would suggest that I use baby food to get the needed nutrients. I never could bring myself to try it. I would go to activities and spend time with friends, and would bring my water bottle, and that would be my treat because for the most past, I couldn't eat what they were serving. Not only that, but I seriously had no energy to play and have fun.

People would ask me what I could eat, and I couldn't really tell them, because I couldn't eat. I would tell them I was on a milkshake a day diet. Sounds pretty good, right? False. It was nice in the beginning but it got really old. I was only able to take a drink every 15 minutes. If I did too much more than that, it would not stay. As yummy as milkshakes are, they get old after having one everyday, even if you change flavors. 

I went to a dietitian. She did not know much about my condition and was not able to set up much of a diet for me. She had me write down what I ate and how it worked. She also recommended that I eat empty calories, such as fat free candies. She said that she had never told anyone to do that before, but I needed those calories to function. She did give me some suggestions.

I would drink Boost everyday and attempt to make smoothies with Carnation Instant Breakfast. I would always attempt to try to eat something semi-solid for dinner. Somethings worked and some didn't. One thing that worked one day, would not work the next day. 

My original plan was to attend college for the fall semester, but because my health was out of control, that was not an option. I ended up working full-time instead. There were okay days, bad days, and really tough days. Honestly not sure how I made it through. My job changed a bit once the fall semester started, my job changed a bit, which helped, but it was still incredibly difficult to make it through an 8-hour day. 

With time, I began to realize foods that I could and couldn't eat. White bread, peaches, nutritional drinks, tended to work. It was still a little awkward socially but I learned to explain it and then go with the flow. I began to adapt to what I could eat and the amounts, even though I didn't have much self control in some times. This is about the time when I realized that I need to accept the condition and explain it to people to try to help them understand. It changed my attitude and helped people to see me in the a different light.

Before this realization, I would go places and not eat. When I wouldn't eat, I would make excuses like "I'm not hungry" or "I've already eaten" to avoid bringing up the stomach condition. Sometimes I felt like people would look at me and think "Wow, she's too good to eat with us", when in reality I just didn't want to bring up the reason why I wasn't eating. After I began to explain it to people, there was a different light shed. They would understand a little more why I wasn't eating, which was nice. 

That has become something common now. It is so much better to accept what you have, explain it to people so they understand, and then go on with your life doing what is best for you. 

I'm Okay

How many times do we say "I'm Fine", when, in all reality, we are struggling beyond what they can see. I saw this picture a couple months ago and loved it. Story of my life. Hopefully you all can relate too!

Sending hugs out to all.

The Question Why

One of the first questions that a child asks as he or she is learning how to talk is "Why?" Throughout our lives we all want to know the reason things happen. There is a reason for everything, but it is so important for us to understand the why in the situation.

Why did this happen?

Why do I have to go through this trial?

Why is life so difficult?

Why can't something good happen?

Why?

Why?

Why?

I'm sure that you can add a few more questions on here. The inevitable why, is usually followed by the answer because. Doesn't that drive you crazy?

Last night, I had an experience where I learned the why to a particular health difficulty. Part of the reason was to help people learn service, or, in other words, let people help me and put aside my pride. Look back at what you've been through and find a reason. The reason can be anything from having it to make you stronger, to help others, to gain empathy, or to fix a broken relationship. There is a reason. I promise.

People often look at me in shock when I answer the because questions in a positive manner. 

Asking the questions why helps us to gain understanding. That is how a child learns the reason of not playing in the street, touching a hot stove, or playing nicely and kindly with others. They ask and are taught the because. That because leads them to a knowledge that will help them throughout their life.

Make a list of your "Why" questions from whatever stage or trial of your life. If it has been a trial of the past, look for the reason why that had to happen to help your life end up where it is today. Look at the current trial and see how it could bring you to a better spot in life. 

Blessings

About a year and a half ago, I attended a meeting and heard a song that touched me so deeply.I had been struggling with my health and been through a few rough days, and the lyrics helped me to realize a few important things. I went home that day and searched the internet for the song and lyrics. It is called "Blessings" by Laura Story. Here are the lyrics:

                                                                       "Blessings"

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
And all the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your word is not enough
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not,
This is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near

What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

Lyrics from AZ Lyrics

Our trials can be blessings in disguise. When we recognize those blessings, we become more grateful for what we have. We may not be completely healthy, but we have a inner strength that is unmatched, or a life experience that has made us better. Sometimes it take going through rough times heal us from other pains. Healing can come from tears and strength can come from trials. Look for the blessings. What blessings have you seen if your life when going through difficulties?

Make The Best of It

The other day, I was posed a question that got me thinking. I was asked, if I could give any advice to people going through hard times, what would it be. Here are some recommendations.

1) Take Care of Yourself - You know yourself better than anyone else knows you: How you feel. What you want. What you can do. You have to act on those. Many people will give you advice, with the best of intentions, but only you have the ability to decide for yourself. You may lead a busy life or have a desire to help everyone in your path, but you are not able to do anything if you don't put yourself first. Easier said than done, I know, but it is vitally important.

2) Help Others - Kind of ironic this comes next, right? However, think about it. Losing yourself in helping and serving others helps you to forget about your problems and see that everyone has their unique struggles and trials. Helping others overcome those trials, especially if you can use your own experience, is so rewarding.

3) Look For The Positive - This is no easy in the beginning. Here is an example. When I was 14, I broke my arm in a gymnastics class. At that time it was awful and I did not realize the positive. Had I not put my arm down and fallen on it, then I would have landed on my neck. Better an arm than a neck. Here's a challenge. Look at one of your trials and find one positive from it, whether it be that it gives you more time to rest or catch up on a good book, or that it has given you opportunities you would have never had, or that it could have worse.

4) Be Happy - One of my favorite sayings is "Find Joy in the Journey". We can decide whether we will be happy or sad or mad. It's not always easy to remain the way we choose, but it is so worth it. Whatever you are going through will be so much easier if you practice happiness. Find a reason to smile and share that with others, so that they can see and share in your happiness. It is so worth it.

This is the advice I would give to make the best of whatever you've been given. What would your advice be to someone going through a difficult time?

Just a Thought

Gastroparesis can be an invisible sickness, like many other condition like Depression, Fibromyalgia, Chrone's disease and more. This picture was shared a Gastroparesis page on a Facebook and I thought it was worth sharing.

The Beginning

Here is my story of the beginning of this condition and the diagnosis. 

In 2005, I became sick and was unable to keep much down, was in a lot of pain, super uncomfortable, and downright miserable. In the past, when I had gotten sick I always got over it and was able to get on with my life. This time was different. It never seemed to go away so I went to a General Practitioner. They ran many different tests including urine samples, blood tests, ultrasounds and more. The results of these tests all came back normal. She put me on some medicines to see if that would help, but nothing seemed to work. The doctor could not figure out what was wrong. Not only was I constantly throwing up, but I had major acid whenever I ate anything, and was still struggling.

She referred me to a Gastroenterologist (GI doctor). He tried some different medicines including Reglan and an acid reducer. They seemed to help a little, but still did not do anything to cure the problem. After a few visits with him, there was still no answer as to what was wrong and no improvement in my condition, he suggested we do an Upper Endoscopy. This took place the day after Thanksgiving. 

I went to the hospital for that procedure and remember hoping and praying for an answer. I also hoped that whatever the answer, there would be a quick cure so I could get back to a normal life. After the procedure, and after waking up a bit, I read through the papers I'd received. They said that the endoscopy shows a little bit of gastritis and GERD. I thought that was my answer. The GI never contacted me after that and so I assumed I needed to deal with it, because it was not anything major. He didn't seemed too worried so I tried not to be.

During this time, I had been living in Illinois and was away from my family. I returned back to Idaho the following year at the beginning of March. After less than a few hours with my parents, they both knew that there was something wrong. We immediately set an appointment with a GI doctor in my hometown. My appointment took place on April 10, 2006. Within 10 minutes of meeting the doctor, he was pretty sure he knew what was wrong and gave us an unofficial diagnosis and changed me to a liquid diet right then and there. He started me on Zelnorm and decided to go ahead with some testing. 

The first test he performed was a Gastric Emptying Scan. I went in and ate some scrambled eggs with radioactive material in them. Then a scanner was placed over my stomach for an hour, while measuring the rate that the food was leaving and moving in the stomach. I did not get the results right away. Later, they called me at work to tell me that my result came back abnormal and they needed to do more tests. 

The next test was another upper endoscopy. My dad came with me to the hospital. They had me come in early because I was so dehydrated. While they were putting fluids in my, the doctor decided that after the procedure, I needed to be hospitalized for dehydration and malnutrition. The scope came back normal and the tissue samples they took showed nothing. The next day I had a CT scan of my stomach and numerous other blood tests. 

The day I was released from the hospital, I remember the doctor coming in and telling me that I didn't have cancer. He also confirmed and gave the official diagnosis. I was diagnosed with Idiopathic Gastroparesis, which means there is no known cause for the condition. He put me on a soft foods diet, which ended up being a liquid diet.

This was just the beginning of my journey. 

Welcome to My Life

Welcome to this new blog. My hope with this blog is to chronicle my journey with gastroparesis, explain what it is, raise awareness for the condition, show what keeps me going, share inspiration, help others who may be struggling with digestive issues or any trial in general and so much more.

My life has not been peaches and cream since getting sick, but I feel it is important to find the positive in the hands that we are dealt. We all have a inner strength that, once discovered, will help us to find out more about ourselves.

Please join my on this journey, as it is a daily battle and education. I will share my story, descriptions, links to more information, etc. Please feel free to comment, ask questions, and make this an open discussion. If I don't know the answer, I will look into it and do everything I can to find a response.