A Christmas of Acceptance Challenge

It's that time of year again. The time when most people are filled with joy and laughter. When hearts are opened. The spirit of giving is apparent. Serving and helping others becomes a way of life. At this very special time of year, I would like to give you something to consider.

This is the time of year that we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. He was the ultimate examples of the feelings that people get and have during this season. He was also accepting of everyone.

It does not matter our race, religion, appearance, health (good or bad), or language. We are all special. Important. Unique. If we weren't, then life would be incredibly boring. 

Don't we all deserve to feel accepted and loved? Shouldn't everyone be entitled to feel joy, to be happy, without taking into consideration their life situation? 

This is a time for us to unite and to take action. Let's make this a Christmas of Acceptance.

This holiday season, I invite you to look at the people you know, those with whom you associate, your co-workers, family members, neighbors, or people you see at the grocery store. Is there one of those people that maybe you avoid? Someone you don't include in your plans? Perhaps there is someone you've discounted for whatever reason. 

Choose one person and take time to get to know them. Take time to understand what they are going through and why they are the way they are. Find the good. I promise you that it is there. Learn about their situation and how it makes them who they are. Finally, and most importantly, accept them. Accept them for who they are, where they have been, what they have gone through and what they have become.

Inside of each of us is a warrior who is fighting to overcome the trials that have been put in our path. For some, it may be harder to find, but it is in there. One of the greatest gift someone who is struggling could receive is to be accepted for who they are and know that they have one person who cares, a friend.

Will you do this? I plead with you to do so. It will make your holiday season better. It will brighten someone's Christmas. It will make the world a little brighter and a little happier. Please do this. 

*If you do this, I would love to hear your experiences. You can leave it as a comment or send me a message or email. It would be great to compile these experiences and share them at a later time. I  understand that these could be very personal, so don't feel like you have to share names or too many personal details. The basic story would be wonderful*

Have a Merry and Accepting Christmas and Holiday Season

A Guide for Those With Special Needs/Conditions (And Their Loved Ones)

Just the other day I sat in a training meeting, which is a normal weekly occurrence. Each week this group of people get trained on important tasks to do to help the people we serve have good experiences. They are really uplifting meetings. This specific meeting has made a huge impact on me and my life. It was all about people with special needs and how to help them have the best experience possible. It was shared that sometimes a special need or a disability cannot be seen, but it is still there.

Gastroparesis is one of those conditions that you can have without people knowing that anything is wrong, even though some days it is very difficult to show that nothing is wrong. It is not easy dealing with these conditions. Some times you want to keep it hidden to keep life normal, when in reality you feel like you should wear a sign that explains it, in order to avoid the awkwardness that follows when people find out about your condition.

There have been many times when I have been out doing something with a group and then food is brought in to the equation. I remember one time in particular, a group of friends and I were playing broom hockey in a parking lot. It was a lot of fun and everyone was having a good time. Then a plate of fruit was brought out. It had fruits I could not eat (apples, oranges, pineapple, grapes). As everyone dug in, someone asked me if I was going to eat. I politely said no and tried to let it blow over. However, the pressing continued. "Don't you like fruit? Why aren't you eating it?" The basic "I can't" answer didn't seem to satisfy one of them. He continued "Why can't you?" I explained the gastroparesis. He asked lots of questions from "What can you eat?" to "What can't you eat?" and others. In the end, he said "I could never date you because I couldn't cook for you." Ouch!

Honestly, this guy had shown interest (though I really didn't have much). The fact that an unseen condition changed his mind so abruptly was shocking and I had no clue how to respond. I ended up something like "Being friends is fine with me" or "I'm okay with that". It hurt. That's when I realized people do treat you different when you have a "special need", even though everything within you desires to be treated normal, whatever normal means.

Those with special needs or conditions that cannot be seen truly desire to live a normal life, or as normal as possible. Sometimes this requires the help and support of others. Here are some ways that others can help those dealing with these things:

1. Help them feel comfortable. They are already dealing with the stresses that come with having said trials. Not fitting in or being discriminated against makes life a little harder. Find things to do in which they can participate fully. They will feel comfortable being around you and doing these activities, which will help them to develop a sense of self and be comfortable doing so.

2. Accept them for who they are. What helps is being around people who accept you for you, no questions asked. Help them to see that they are wonderful the way they are and that they are important to you. If you find out someone has a condition, and a friendship has already been established, don't let the confession change what you think of them. You got to know the real person first, and that doesn't change by knowing that they suffer from whatever it is they have.

3. Don't draw unnecessary attention to the condition. More often than not, having attention drawn to these weakness makes it harder for them to cope. The more people who know, the weaker they feel. For instance, if someone with gastroparesis showed up at a party, don't make a huge production over finding them something that they can eat. You can pull them aside and ask them if there is anything that they can eat or if they can eat anything. This will make it so they don't have to explain the "why" to everyone and feel more comfortable just being them.

4. Offer to help, even if it just listening. People with these needs and conditions don't always have "gold-star days". They will have down days of discouragement. Having someone they know they can talk to makes all the difference. Listen to what they say and let them freely share the emotions that come. You can respond with encouragement, a message of hope, or maybe even a joke. Just knowing that someone is willing to help them through the hard times, makes a big difference.

Let me say a word or two about what those with these conditions can to in order to avoid painful and awkward situations where they are judged solely on their condition or disability. Some of the greatest people I know are those who have disabilities or special needs, but don't those needs get them down. They find joy in their life and feed off of that. Here would be my guide:

1. Find joy and happiness in life everyday, even when it seems like nothing good has happened. You survived the day and that is something great! If this is difficult for you to see, write it down. I have taken to the practice of writing two things down everyday that made me happy or helped me to grow. As I have reviewed those, a smile comes to my face and I see what a great life I am living.

2. Accept what you have. This is not always an easy task. I was diagnosed in 2006 and have struggled that past 7 years coping with the fact that my stomach is not working and could never work again. In the beginning, I would try to hide the condition and avoid talking about it to other people. I thought what they didn't know wouldn't hurt. I was a little ashamed that I had this "disability" so to speak (though I really don't consider it a disability, but more of a condition). Once I accepted that this condition was going to be a part of my everyday life, I was no longer scared to tell people about my condition. It was a freeing feeling.

3. Advice and help show that people care. We've all been there. People try to give us advice on how to make things better. I remember one night, after getting sick because of my gastroparesis, a roommate sat me down and decided to have a talk with me. She was convinced that I had an eating disorder or that the diet that I was surviving off of, was not healthy. She continued by giving me all sorts of advice on what to eat (nothing that I really could eat) and how to prevent the sick episodes from coming on. All I wanted to do was cry and sleep. It was 1 a.m., after all. The next day, as I thought about it, I understood that she had done that because she cared and because she wanted to help me. Though her advice would not have helped the situation, she showed her concern because she wanted the best for me.

4. Don't play the victim.  Most of us know someone or have met someone who thinks the whole world is against them and that nothing good is every going to come from life. They are constantly discouraged and distressed because life has handed them lots of lemons. Instead of making something with those lemons, they let them sit and gather, creating a big pile of sourness. Yes, having a disability, condition or special need is not an easy thing. Yes, it does feel like a lemon has been handed to you. What you do with that lemon is up to you. You could make it into a pie, a drink, a desert, a seasoning or marinade for a meal, use it as a cleaner, or add flavor to another dish. Your hardship is hard, but make it a positive by latching to the good you find and creating something better.

5. Be true to yourself. Dealing with chronic or difficult conditions, changes you. This is a time for you to define who you really are and by true to that person. I'm a happy person, even though I have rough days. One of my discoveries is that I can be happy even when I struggle, because it makes my struggles seem a little less difficult and a little more manageable. Establish you sense of being and live up to that. You get to decide who you are. You are an amazing person with incredible potential. It is up to you to live up to that potential and become the best you possible. 

It's not easy dealing with these conditions, especially when, on the outside, you appear to be a normal, healthy human being. We all want to feel wanted and don't want to be made uncomfortable. One thing
 I say a lot is that our conditions do not define us, but they make us who we are. My unseen issues are real and they make me fearful to do things that would otherwise be common. That fear is real. However, that fear is not paralyzing, especially with the help and love of those around me who accept me for me and help me to live the most normal life possible.

Making life the best experience possible depends on the person going through the trial for sure. It also depends on the love and support that they receive from those around them, be it family, friends, acquaintances, or even strangers on the street. Together we can all make people with special needs feel happy and comfortable, as well as make life easier for everyone who goes through any type of struggle.

Food and The Holidays

For the past couple of years, I have struggled with wanting to go home or celebrate some of the holidays (especially Thanksgiving) because of the strong emphasis on food. Don't get me wrong, I love food, but it is no fun when you have a condition that limits what you can and can't eat, and the amounts that you can eat. This year, it has hit me how much the holidays revolve around food. That makes it difficult for those of us who struggle constantly with these food-related issues.

The question is, how can those with food-related conditions cope with the stress that comes around the holidays? Studies have shown that the holidays can be difficult on people, and usually bring stress and depression, which is real. For me, not being able to participate fully brings on these symptoms. I don't have the answer on this one, though I wish I did. The holidays still are one of those times that are hard for me to manage my stomach condition, which makes me discouraged. I want to change that this year, so I've done some research.

There is a plethora or information out there on how to deal with depression and stress during the holidays (like the link below from the Mayo Clinic).

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/stress/MH00030

On the website for the IFFGD (International Foundation for Functional Gastrointestinal Disorder) there are some tips to help with acid reflux and other issues, with GI issues. http://www.iffgd.org/site/manage-your-health/holidays/

Below are the tips that they give for healthy thinking during the holidays for people with IBS. Even though IBS is not my condition, these tips are still applicable.

Healthy Thinking During the Holidays

Barbara Bradley Bolen offers a number of detailed suggestions for reducing the impact of IBS during the holidays.
     Practice active self care: Practicing these new skills will help you to keep your focus on your own well-being rather than just being caught up with all of the myriad tasks that this time of year seems to require:

• Plan ahead
• Practice relaxation exercises
• Practice kind and gentle feeding
• Tell the caring people in your life about your IBS
• Speak up about any special needs you have
• Take steps to protect yourself from critical people.

Earlier this week, I took some of this advice and talked with my mom about how I was feeling. A lot of the time, people don't know what you are thinking unless you tell them. As we talked about my concerns and my feelings, it was eye-opening. I always felt like an inconvenience and annoyance because I tend to complain and be a bummer to be around. We talked through some of the issues that I had and why I wasn't wanting to deal with Thanksgiving. It was a good conversation. 

I had created my own list of ways to cope. Most of those are on the list above. One I would add would be to get outside and get some fresh air and natural light. This could be hard if it is cold. Believe me, I'm from Idaho, I know. It could be as much as sitting outside for 5 minutes or taking a walk or even a friendly game of football, depending on the weather of course. Another tip I would give would be to find ways to make the holidays less about the food and more about the company. How? Maybe give yourself a project that is not food related. Perhaps you could volunteer to be the kid watcher. You could take on the task of decorating. Do something that gets you out of kitchen but still able to help.

It's hard to describe what it feels like to have a food related condition. The best way I have figured, is that it is similar to being pregnant. In fact, I listen to the symptoms of family and friends as they go through pregnancy and I completely understand how they feel, even though it seems a bit odd. The smells make your stomach churn. You have to eat every couple hours, even though you have little to no appetite. You have very little energy. There is even some pain and discomfort involved.

I would love to hear any other tips or feedback you have on the holidays and food. I'm not an expert on this issue, but would love to learn about how to better deal and cope with food and the holidays. Suggestions, tips, stories, and more would be helpful.

Happy Holiday Season My Friends! 

Masks

I have been a slacker. Every time that I have gotten on to write a post, something happens and I stop writing. Maybe it is because I try to keep this blog upbeat and motivational and I was personally struggling with so many different issues, that I was having a hard time trying to build up others when I couldn't do the same for myself. I have come to realize that it is okay to have hard times. In fact, it's human. With that being said, here is the post. It may not be all positive. It could be a little religious. It will be the truth though.

Halloween was a fun holiday, as a kid. However, as I have gotten older, it has become one of those holidays that I don't enjoy as much. Don't get me wrong. A few years ago, I was in Salt Lake on Halloween and there were so many cute little kids walking around in their costumes. That was fun to watch. You may be thinking, "What does Halloween have to do with struggles and difficult times?" The answer is one word:


MASKS!!!

Let me explain. On Halloween, when a mask is put on with a costume, it hides one's identity and allows them to take on a different persona. They become a ninja, a superhero, or a witch. Think about it for a minute. What masks do you put on when you don't want people to see who you really are or what you are feeling?

This is something that I have realized that I do, and I know others that do it as well. We (myself and the people I know who do it) don't want to appear weak, vulnerable, or needy. When we get those feelings and have to go out in public, we put on a happy face and prep excuses like being tired or busy in case someone sees through that mask. We don't want to disappoint anyone by being discouraged, angry or sad.

This happens regularly and is what has been happening with me. On top of my stomach, I've been having vocal issues and have been doing therapy to get the voice back. A few weeks ago, we were working on some conversational sentences. We had a breakthrough and it brought up all sorts of feelings and emotions (which I thought was really strange because it was vocal therapy and not therapy for emotions). One of the sentences I was working on was "I am good". I could not bring myself to say it because I knew it was a lie. I had realized that I had been wearing this mask for the past 4 months that told people that I was fine and happy, when I really had all sorts of struggles and inner turmoil. Because I had put on the mask, I hadn't allowed myself to express the emotions that I had and they and built up inside of me.

Removing the masks we wear is not always easy. Here are some steps to take to help with that process. They have helped to remove my masks, be who I really am, and stand up for myself and my needs.

1. Learn to understand and recognize what you feel and want

2. Don't let others thoughts and opinions force you to do something that you don't want to do.

3. Write your feelings down and why you are feeling that way.

4. Find a trusted friend and talk through everything with them. Ask them for help overcoming the feelings and advice, support and friendship.

5. Indulge in something that makes you happy. (a good movie, brownie sundae, a sporting event, etc.)

6. Don't expect everything to get better all at once. Understand that it is a process

7. Celebrate the little victories.

8. Realize that taking care of yourself and what you want comes before what others want from you.

9. Make an earnest effort to truly express yourself, even it is just to talk to yourself when you are alone in your room.

10. Be honest with yourself and others. If you are good say it. If you are okay, then say it. If you are struggling, share that. You can do that is a different way like "I've been better".

I'm sure there are other steps, but these are the things that I have found to help me to be me and remove the masks that I put on. One of the other steps that I took, was taking this to a higher power and asked for help from a loving Heavenly Father to help me recognize my problems/issues and find the best ways to overcome those.

Days may come where wearing a mask may be necessary. When that happens, put the mask on and wear only as long as you have too. The soon you can take it off, the better. Once it is off, find a way to express yourself, through written or spoken word shared with just your self or a trusted friend or family member. It truly helps to get the emotions out of there.

On Halloween, masks are worn to cover the identity of a person and make them in to someone new. Eventually, after all the festivities are over, the masks are taken off and the people return to their own self. We cannot hide who we are forever, but every once in a while, we may need to mask who we are or how we feel. The important thing is to make sure you understand who you are and how you feel, so you can be the best you possible.

Brave

I have been doing a lot a traveling to and from appointments. Although some of the time I spend contemplating and wondering, I cannot do that all of the time. I tend to listen to the radio to give me noise. I have found some pretty great songs that are so motivating.

Today, as I was commuting to my appointment, a song came on that I had heard before but took on a whole different meaning. What song is it? Brave (Sara Bareilles) It hit me when I heard the line "let the words fall out. Honestly, I want to see you be brave." I began to think how many times do we yield our own progress because we are too scared to what may happen, or don't think we can do it, or lack the courage to take that blind leap of faith. Yet, if we are brave, we won't worry about those things.

What is the hardest part about what you are facing? What can you do to be brave so that you can see the success? How you get rid of the fears that plague you?

Here's my story. Currently, I am in vocal therapy because I have been without a voice for 3 months. These three months have been difficult. Through the therapy, I have realized that I am scared to make certain noises. I am struggling being loud, because I lack the confidence in everything function correctly. I fall back on the old habits, which are easier and more comfortable. As I listened to this song, it reminded me what therapist has said about letting the words come out naturally and making it easier. Today she even mentioned it takes confidence. This part of the song hit me at that point:

"Everybody’s been there,
Everybody’s been stared down by the enemy
Fallen for the fear
And done some disappearing,
Bow down to the mighty
Don’t run, stop holding your tongue
Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is"

We have to face our fears (easier said than done, I know). If people choose to judge us, that is their problem. If things don't work out or come out exactly how we want them to, there is always next time. We can take these experiences, be brave, and make each effort a little better and a little easier.

Through this loss of vocal ability, I have learned how important our words and speech really can be. It has made me realize that when I talk, I want it to be something that will help someone, help me, or make a difference.

Think for a minute of a trial you are facing. How has it affected you and how has your fear impeded the process? Now think, how can you change that fear and show "how big your brave is"?

Check out the video. It is super-fun and made me smile.

Motivation & Miracles

We all have sayings that help us to get through the struggles life throws at us. When I woke up this morning, I had a song enter my head, and it has yet to leave. As I have listened to it and pondered the words and meanings, it has become motivational to me. We get down and discouraged during hard times. We can turn to our comfort foods, our de-stressing activities, or just clam it all in. However, when things pop into your head that could help, please look into them. They will help.

The words to this song were just what I needed to hear.

"When You Believe"

Many nights we pray with no proof anyone could hear
And our heart's a hopeful song we barely understood
Now we are not afraid although we know there's much to fear
We were moving mountains long before we knew we could

Oh yes, there can be miracles when you believe
Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill
Who knows what miracle you can achieve, when you believe
Somehow you will, you will when you believe

In this time of fear when prayer so often proves in vain
Hope seems like the summer birds, too swiftly flown away
And now I am standing here, my heart's so full I can't explain
Seeking faith and speaking words, I never thought I'd say

There can be miracles when you believe
When you believe
Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles you can achieve
You can achieve
When you believe
Somehow you will, you will when you believe

They don't always happen when you ask and
And it's easy to give in to your fear
But when you're blinded by your pain
Can't see your way safe through the rain
Thought of a still resilient voice, says love is very near

There can be miracles
Miracles
When you believe
When you believe
Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill
Hard to kill
Who knows what miracles you can achieve
You can achieve
When you believe
Somehow you will
Somehow, somehow, somehow
Somehow you will, you will, when you believe

You will when you believe
You will when you believe
Just believe
You will, you will
Just believe
You will, when you believe

Songwriters
EDMONDS, KENNETH / SCHWARTZ, STEPHEN

This song was written for "The Prince of Egypt". The above-version is the one performed by Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston. Below, is the version from the movie, from YouTube.

What a message. There can be miracles. They happen daily. Some choose not to look at them as miracles, and that is fine, but great things happen but we need to believe and have hope that this mountain we are climbing will show us exactly what we are needing.

Right now, I am looking for a miracle. Even thinking about what I so badly desire and hope will happen, fills my heart with gratitude that there is a possibility, even though I lose hope easily on bad days, when things get rough or I cannot do everything I want or need to do and cannot do everything that everyone expects of me. However, we can achieve almost whatever we set our minds to, though it may not be achieved in the way we want.

One miracle that I have hoped for is for my stomach to be restored back to it's working condition. That has not happened. What has happened, which is a miracle, is that I have accepted it and learned to make the best of it. That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt or that this acceptance came in the time I wanted it or asked for it. The important thing is that it came!

This song has become my motivation while I am earnestly seeking for the next miracle to happen. Is it easy. Not really. But, having this song in my head has helped me to do my part so that the miracle can and will happen. Think of something that motivates you to be better and use that to give you more hope and strengthen the hope you have.

Just remember this part of the song: "But when you're blinded by your pain, Can't see your way safe through the rain. Thought of a still resilient voice, says love is very near. There can be miracles"

"Just Keep Swimming"

I am a huge fan of animated movies, especially ones that have sayings that motivate me. Mulan was one of those shows, where a few things were said, and my first thought was "Wow! That is awesome! I need to remember that." Sounds a little crazy, I know. But how many times do we turn to a feel-good movie or book to help us when we are struggling.

Let me share with you one of the lessons that I have learned through a movie that has helped me during bad health days or other struggles. With gastroparesis, you have bad days called flare ups. The extent of these flare ups vary by day and person, but mine usually consist of pain, fatigue, and nausea (usually bad enough to prevent me from eating much at all.). In the beginning, on days like this, you would find me in bed or on the couch, curled up with a book or watching a movie. On one such day, I had some stuff that needed to get done and I knew I had to do it no matter how blah I felt. I was lacking motivation, and a thought came into my head. "Just Keep Swimming. Just Keep Swimming" said in the sing-song voice of Dory from Finding Nemo. It made me chuckle and I got up and did what I needed too. Need a reminder of that scene? Here you go, from YouTube:

It has served me well to remember to keep going and move on with life, even though hard times come. Gastroparesis, or any chronic health problem for that matter, could impede one's life, if they let it. You have to make the best of the situations you are handed and act. Once we start or keep "swimming" we do not focus so much on how we feel or our problems, and it helps us to keep going.

If we don't keep going we may end up regretting it. When we keep "swimming" we will either succeed or fail. No big deal either way. Some days we try to keep moving and keep distracted but it doesn't work so well. At least we learned how much we can actually do in a day.

I love this message from Meet The Robinsons, that I found on YouTube:


Click Here To View (I Could Not Get The Video to Work Here. Sorry!)


Basically, my advice to you is this. When you are having a rough day, scared for what tomorrow may bring, frustrated with pain or trials not allow you to live life to the fullest, or just plain tired, remember these two sayings: "Just Keep Swimming" and "Keep Moving Forward".

My Diet

There is one question that I get asked quite a bit, that is hard for me to answer, so I thought that I would address that in this post. Out of care and concern, people ask me what I can and cannot eat. Gastroparesis involves problems breaking down foods in the digestive track. Because of the, it is best to avoid high fiber foods that take more effort to breakdown. One website said that an ideal GP diet should be low fat and low fiber. While this works in some ways, it is not 100% true for me. Below is a list of foods that work and do not work for me.

FOODS THAT WORK

• White Breads/Rolls
• Applesauce
• Soup (Unless tomato based or full of meat)
• Juices (low acid drinks)
• Milk
• Pastas (Cooked well)
• Pudding
• Yogurt
• Jello
• Carrots (Boiled well)
• Crackers (Not whole wheat)
• Potatoes (Mashed, boiled, baked, etc.
• Tortillas (flour or white corn)
• Cheese (Sometimes yes, Sometimes no)
• Pancakes/Waffles
• Ice Cream/Frozen Yogurt/Popsicles
• Cakes/Donuts/Brownies (Any junk food really, unless it has nuts, coconut, or acid from lime, lemon, or orange type foods)
• Alfredo sauce
• Macaroni & Cheese
• Nutrition Drinks (Boost, Slim Fast, Ensure, etc.)
• Chips
• Peaches and Pears (Other fruits, if pureed or super soft and not seedy and low acid
• Fruit Snacks

FOODS THAT DON'T WORK

• Meat (Though thin turkey or moist chicken sometimes works)
• Tomatoes
• Oranges, Lemons, Limes
• Raw fruits and vegetables
• Cooked vegetables: corn, peas, celery, etc.
•  Whole-wheat and wheat breads
• Lemonade
• Granola/Granola Bars/Oats
• Dried Fruits
• Nuts
• Rice (Unless cooked super soft)
• Watermelon and bananas (This is just a me thing. They work for most people with GP)
•  Spaghetti/Marinara sauces
• Onions
• Salads
• Acidic juices (orange juice, grapefruit juice, etc.)
• Peanut Butter

Apparently I focus more on what I can eat and not what I cannot. Now, this may not be a complete guide. The diet varies daily and things change from one day to the next. Right now, I have reduce my dairy products drastically (due to my throat and vocal issues) and cut out chocolate (to reduce acid). Who knew chocolate was something that would create acid.

It does not offend me when people ask what I can and cannot eat. It actually is nice. Feel free to comment with questions or of things that may or may not work for you, with your condition. I will update this list if I think of more. 

Acceptance

"Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune." - William James

When someone gives you a gift on your birthday, it is usually not difficult to accept it. We are also able to accept food, service, friendships, and more. These are things we tend to desire, which makes it easier to receive. However, when life throws us a trial, we struggle to accept it.

It makes perfect sense. Honestly. Why would we accept something that could hurt us? It would be like someone with lactose intolerance accepting a glass of milk or a bunch of cheese. That would be crazy.

Recently, I was given an trial that has become quite difficult. In fact, for a while, I was angry, upset and frustrated with why I had this and would not accept the fact or problem. It has affected my work, social and physical life. There have been so many ups and downs, and twists and turns, that have left me dumbfounded and confused. Then one morning, I came to a realization that I could not control what was going on with my body, but I could control of how I look at it and accepting that this trial is a part of my life. That has made all the difference in the world.

George Orwell has said, "Happiness can exist only in acceptance." How true that is. We become truly happy when we accept whatever we've been given. Looking at a different vista has given me more joy. It doesn't mean that it isn't hard. It does mean that the outcome, whatever it may be, will be what is supposed to happen.

In the end, we can accept what we are given, and hope for more. This quote says it all. "Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them." Brendon Francis

A Continuation of My Journey

The months after the diagnosis were very difficult. It was almost like I was attempting to relearn how to eat and how much eat at a time. I felt like a baby, especially when people would suggest that I use baby food to get the needed nutrients. I never could bring myself to try it. I would go to activities and spend time with friends, and would bring my water bottle, and that would be my treat because for the most past, I couldn't eat what they were serving. Not only that, but I seriously had no energy to play and have fun.

People would ask me what I could eat, and I couldn't really tell them, because I couldn't eat. I would tell them I was on a milkshake a day diet. Sounds pretty good, right? False. It was nice in the beginning but it got really old. I was only able to take a drink every 15 minutes. If I did too much more than that, it would not stay. As yummy as milkshakes are, they get old after having one everyday, even if you change flavors. 

I went to a dietitian. She did not know much about my condition and was not able to set up much of a diet for me. She had me write down what I ate and how it worked. She also recommended that I eat empty calories, such as fat free candies. She said that she had never told anyone to do that before, but I needed those calories to function. She did give me some suggestions.

I would drink Boost everyday and attempt to make smoothies with Carnation Instant Breakfast. I would always attempt to try to eat something semi-solid for dinner. Somethings worked and some didn't. One thing that worked one day, would not work the next day. 

My original plan was to attend college for the fall semester, but because my health was out of control, that was not an option. I ended up working full-time instead. There were okay days, bad days, and really tough days. Honestly not sure how I made it through. My job changed a bit once the fall semester started, my job changed a bit, which helped, but it was still incredibly difficult to make it through an 8-hour day. 

With time, I began to realize foods that I could and couldn't eat. White bread, peaches, nutritional drinks, tended to work. It was still a little awkward socially but I learned to explain it and then go with the flow. I began to adapt to what I could eat and the amounts, even though I didn't have much self control in some times. This is about the time when I realized that I need to accept the condition and explain it to people to try to help them understand. It changed my attitude and helped people to see me in the a different light.

Before this realization, I would go places and not eat. When I wouldn't eat, I would make excuses like "I'm not hungry" or "I've already eaten" to avoid bringing up the stomach condition. Sometimes I felt like people would look at me and think "Wow, she's too good to eat with us", when in reality I just didn't want to bring up the reason why I wasn't eating. After I began to explain it to people, there was a different light shed. They would understand a little more why I wasn't eating, which was nice. 

That has become something common now. It is so much better to accept what you have, explain it to people so they understand, and then go on with your life doing what is best for you. 

I'm Okay

How many times do we say "I'm Fine", when, in all reality, we are struggling beyond what they can see. I saw this picture a couple months ago and loved it. Story of my life. Hopefully you all can relate too!

Sending hugs out to all.

The Question Why

One of the first questions that a child asks as he or she is learning how to talk is "Why?" Throughout our lives we all want to know the reason things happen. There is a reason for everything, but it is so important for us to understand the why in the situation.

Why did this happen?

Why do I have to go through this trial?

Why is life so difficult?

Why can't something good happen?

Why?

Why?

Why?

I'm sure that you can add a few more questions on here. The inevitable why, is usually followed by the answer because. Doesn't that drive you crazy?

Last night, I had an experience where I learned the why to a particular health difficulty. Part of the reason was to help people learn service, or, in other words, let people help me and put aside my pride. Look back at what you've been through and find a reason. The reason can be anything from having it to make you stronger, to help others, to gain empathy, or to fix a broken relationship. There is a reason. I promise.

People often look at me in shock when I answer the because questions in a positive manner. 

Asking the questions why helps us to gain understanding. That is how a child learns the reason of not playing in the street, touching a hot stove, or playing nicely and kindly with others. They ask and are taught the because. That because leads them to a knowledge that will help them throughout their life.

Make a list of your "Why" questions from whatever stage or trial of your life. If it has been a trial of the past, look for the reason why that had to happen to help your life end up where it is today. Look at the current trial and see how it could bring you to a better spot in life. 

Blessings

About a year and a half ago, I attended a meeting and heard a song that touched me so deeply.I had been struggling with my health and been through a few rough days, and the lyrics helped me to realize a few important things. I went home that day and searched the internet for the song and lyrics. It is called "Blessings" by Laura Story. Here are the lyrics:

                                                                       "Blessings"

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
And all the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your word is not enough
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not,
This is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near

What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

Lyrics from AZ Lyrics

Our trials can be blessings in disguise. When we recognize those blessings, we become more grateful for what we have. We may not be completely healthy, but we have a inner strength that is unmatched, or a life experience that has made us better. Sometimes it take going through rough times heal us from other pains. Healing can come from tears and strength can come from trials. Look for the blessings. What blessings have you seen if your life when going through difficulties?

Make The Best of It

The other day, I was posed a question that got me thinking. I was asked, if I could give any advice to people going through hard times, what would it be. Here are some recommendations.

1) Take Care of Yourself - You know yourself better than anyone else knows you: How you feel. What you want. What you can do. You have to act on those. Many people will give you advice, with the best of intentions, but only you have the ability to decide for yourself. You may lead a busy life or have a desire to help everyone in your path, but you are not able to do anything if you don't put yourself first. Easier said than done, I know, but it is vitally important.

2) Help Others - Kind of ironic this comes next, right? However, think about it. Losing yourself in helping and serving others helps you to forget about your problems and see that everyone has their unique struggles and trials. Helping others overcome those trials, especially if you can use your own experience, is so rewarding.

3) Look For The Positive - This is no easy in the beginning. Here is an example. When I was 14, I broke my arm in a gymnastics class. At that time it was awful and I did not realize the positive. Had I not put my arm down and fallen on it, then I would have landed on my neck. Better an arm than a neck. Here's a challenge. Look at one of your trials and find one positive from it, whether it be that it gives you more time to rest or catch up on a good book, or that it has given you opportunities you would have never had, or that it could have worse.

4) Be Happy - One of my favorite sayings is "Find Joy in the Journey". We can decide whether we will be happy or sad or mad. It's not always easy to remain the way we choose, but it is so worth it. Whatever you are going through will be so much easier if you practice happiness. Find a reason to smile and share that with others, so that they can see and share in your happiness. It is so worth it.

This is the advice I would give to make the best of whatever you've been given. What would your advice be to someone going through a difficult time?

Just a Thought

Gastroparesis can be an invisible sickness, like many other condition like Depression, Fibromyalgia, Chrone's disease and more. This picture was shared a Gastroparesis page on a Facebook and I thought it was worth sharing.

The Beginning

Here is my story of the beginning of this condition and the diagnosis. 

In 2005, I became sick and was unable to keep much down, was in a lot of pain, super uncomfortable, and downright miserable. In the past, when I had gotten sick I always got over it and was able to get on with my life. This time was different. It never seemed to go away so I went to a General Practitioner. They ran many different tests including urine samples, blood tests, ultrasounds and more. The results of these tests all came back normal. She put me on some medicines to see if that would help, but nothing seemed to work. The doctor could not figure out what was wrong. Not only was I constantly throwing up, but I had major acid whenever I ate anything, and was still struggling.

She referred me to a Gastroenterologist (GI doctor). He tried some different medicines including Reglan and an acid reducer. They seemed to help a little, but still did not do anything to cure the problem. After a few visits with him, there was still no answer as to what was wrong and no improvement in my condition, he suggested we do an Upper Endoscopy. This took place the day after Thanksgiving. 

I went to the hospital for that procedure and remember hoping and praying for an answer. I also hoped that whatever the answer, there would be a quick cure so I could get back to a normal life. After the procedure, and after waking up a bit, I read through the papers I'd received. They said that the endoscopy shows a little bit of gastritis and GERD. I thought that was my answer. The GI never contacted me after that and so I assumed I needed to deal with it, because it was not anything major. He didn't seemed too worried so I tried not to be.

During this time, I had been living in Illinois and was away from my family. I returned back to Idaho the following year at the beginning of March. After less than a few hours with my parents, they both knew that there was something wrong. We immediately set an appointment with a GI doctor in my hometown. My appointment took place on April 10, 2006. Within 10 minutes of meeting the doctor, he was pretty sure he knew what was wrong and gave us an unofficial diagnosis and changed me to a liquid diet right then and there. He started me on Zelnorm and decided to go ahead with some testing. 

The first test he performed was a Gastric Emptying Scan. I went in and ate some scrambled eggs with radioactive material in them. Then a scanner was placed over my stomach for an hour, while measuring the rate that the food was leaving and moving in the stomach. I did not get the results right away. Later, they called me at work to tell me that my result came back abnormal and they needed to do more tests. 

The next test was another upper endoscopy. My dad came with me to the hospital. They had me come in early because I was so dehydrated. While they were putting fluids in my, the doctor decided that after the procedure, I needed to be hospitalized for dehydration and malnutrition. The scope came back normal and the tissue samples they took showed nothing. The next day I had a CT scan of my stomach and numerous other blood tests. 

The day I was released from the hospital, I remember the doctor coming in and telling me that I didn't have cancer. He also confirmed and gave the official diagnosis. I was diagnosed with Idiopathic Gastroparesis, which means there is no known cause for the condition. He put me on a soft foods diet, which ended up being a liquid diet.

This was just the beginning of my journey. 

Welcome to My Life

Welcome to this new blog. My hope with this blog is to chronicle my journey with gastroparesis, explain what it is, raise awareness for the condition, show what keeps me going, share inspiration, help others who may be struggling with digestive issues or any trial in general and so much more.

My life has not been peaches and cream since getting sick, but I feel it is important to find the positive in the hands that we are dealt. We all have a inner strength that, once discovered, will help us to find out more about ourselves.

Please join my on this journey, as it is a daily battle and education. I will share my story, descriptions, links to more information, etc. Please feel free to comment, ask questions, and make this an open discussion. If I don't know the answer, I will look into it and do everything I can to find a response.