Look For The Good

The title says it all, but let's preface this with a story. We all have our own stories in life, and unfortunately, I do not know all of your stories. That means, by sharing a story it will either be made up (which would defeat the purpose of this post) or come from my life.

As many know, health problems have plagued me this year from surgeries to kidney stones, and so many things in between. Going through these difficulties was not my favorite. After resolving these issues, I moved, thinking that life would look up from there because what else could I possibly go through. I was wrong. More trials came and I began to be confused about why all these hard things were happening to me, in my life. Just before Thanksgiving, I was sitting in a class and realized how important it is to be grateful for the hard times. ~ I can see your head turning. Don't worry. I'll explain.~ I was also made aware of the importance of counting your blessings.

It reminded me of a quote:

"Count your blessings and your problems... If your problems outnumber your blessings, count again.... Chances are the things you take for granted were not added up"

Wow! What more can be said. Doing this created awareness, especially when problems seem to overtake life. There is good in every situation. Some situations require more digging and work to find the positive. But the treasure of those far outweighs the good we can easily see, without much effort.

This poem sums up what this post is saying:

Motivation

As you can see, I really haven't been great about updating this blog. Between being busy, being sick (for 3 weeks) and everything else, it became clear that I was really struggling and no desire or energy to move forward. The fact is, I lacked (and still lack) motivation.

I wish there were a magical cure for this. A way to find motivation would be incredible right now. In fact, just the other day, I saw a question, similar to this: If you found a magic lamp with a Genie and were only given one wish, instead of three like Aladdin, what would you wish for? One of my answers was motivation.

As I started feeling better, there was very little energy to get things done and as I started getting energy, there was very little desire to much, for fear of overdoing it and going back to being blah. I have seen a little bit of improvement and have done a few things, but this had made me realize how important being motivated is in dealing with any health condition or situation.

From what is written above, I am not an expert on this subject at all. In fact, I could use some help brainstorming and discussing ideas and ways to get or remain motivated, especially when they are struggling with lack of hope or helplessness or the struggles involved with chronic health condition, in all realms: physical, mental, social, and emotional.

Please comment below or leave a me a message or comment somewhere. I will try to share the compilation of ideas so that we can all get the help we need on this subject. Thank you in advance. :)

Adjustments: It's a Process

Recently, I relocated from a place I loved. I was completely comfortable there. I had amazing friends, a wonderful support group, and knew who I was there. It was small enough place but big enough. It was so perfect for me. Leaving was something that I really did not want to do.

I moved with a little but of a sour attitude. I didn't want to live where I had accepted a job, so I chose to commute and live in a smaller place. However, I did not want to be there. I did want to make the changes that I knew were going to be made and I did not want to leave behind or lose the memories of the place I loved so much.

A few weeks after moving here, reality sunk in. I realized that if I was going to be truly happy and content with life, I have to make the decision to be happy and put forth efforts. I had to try to ingratiate myself into my workplace setting, my home setting and my community. This was difficult for me. It made me anxious. I had no clue what to do, and sometimes still feel like I don't. I wasn't sure how I could ever adapt.

Now, I would be lying if I told you that I am completely comfortable and adapted to life in a new place, my workplace setting and all. However, I am becoming more so. I have learned that this requires adjustments and that it truly is a process. I know what you're thinking, "What does this have to do with Gastroparesis or other chronic conditions?" Allow me to explain.

Shortly after getting sick with GP, I had no clue what was going on, how to cope, or if this would be my life for the rest of forever. I made due, but it was exhausting. After my diagnosis, which happened around 8 months after getting sick, it was time to make adjustments. I had to adjust from living the life of a completely healthy and active young adult to one who had some serious issues that would be there long term. It wasn't easy at all.

I tried to maintain a positive attitude, and maybe on the outside it worked. However, I was not to thrilled about some of the changes. The first little bit after my diagnosis, I was asked not to exercise anymore. I was put on an all liquid diet. I was put on new medicines. I knew that this was not the life I wanted. Yet, these adjustments were necessary so I went and did.

When I did not see things in life going the way I wanted, I re-evaluated things and realized it was time for another adjustment. This one was major. It was time to adjust my attitude. I had to stop looking at myself as a sick, energy-less girl. I had to stop thinking that my life was pathetic and would never be full. I had to stop feeling sorry for myself. In turn, I had to start seeing the good in myself, finding positive experience, and discovering that I could make my life as full as possible.

With time, I have adjusted my diet to include soft foods. I am no longer an all-liquids girl. Some days I may choose all liquids, but that is because through my adjustment process, I learned that on rough days, liquids are what work the best and are what will keep me healthy. I have learned, which is what adjusting is all about. Finding out what works for you and making that your new normal. Then you must embrace the new normal you have.

Sounds simple right? Nope! It's not easy. It took so much time and so much effort. There were days of tears. I fell back into old habits of self-pity. However, over time and with so much effort, I have become a more positive person. I don't look at myself as sick or needy, though some days are still that way. I learned that my condition does not define me or how I have to act. I can beat my condition in some ways, though I know that it is a chronic problem.

We don't always want to make changes to our lives or allow our conditions to control life. They don't have to. These adjustments are because we are choosing to make things better. However, this requires us to actually make an effort to see things in this light.

When you are dealing with conditions that are chronic, it is easy to lose hope. It sometimes seems easier to go through the trial of the condition rather than make adjustments to make life better. Adjustments are difficult. Sometimes those adjustments can be painful. I'd imagine, and I've read a little bit to back this up though I have never experienced it myself), that after being adjusted by a Chiropractor, there is a level of pain and discomfort that goes away with time. After that, things usually are better than they were before.

When dealing with chronic conditions, the adjustments are necessary and take time. They are not easy, whether it be a change in eating habits or a change in lifestyle. But after the adjustment has been made and in time, you see the benefits. Earlier this year, after some physical issues, I decided to cut back on one of the foods that I love. It was really hard in the beginning. However, it has become much less of a necessity now, and I feel better about my health. The adjustment wasn't easy, but it was worth it in the end.

Whatever the change may be, I encourage you make it. You can start with a little adjustment here or there. When it becomes difficult, remind yourself of the result you are going for and that life will be better. I am currently going through this process again, with a new issue that has come up and it has not been easy for me to accept the issue or have patience when it seems like the adjustments just aren't working.

For the next month, I am going to make the adjustment that I am working on and stick to it, though it may be difficult. I will report back after a month. I invite you all to do the same. Let's be a support system for each other so we can make it through these difficult challenges that we face.

Good Luck!

Turbo Encouragement

First, sorry I haven't posted in  a while. Life has been a tad bit crazy. Those with chronic medical issues know that they can bring some complications. Thankfully my haven't been terrible. I can tell that my body needs to rest and relax, which is why I took a play day Saturday. Part of that included watching a movie in the park. The movie had some lines that really made me think. What movie?

TURBO!!!!
(Thanks Google Images for the picture).

I understand this is a animated flick, but below are some quotes that  hit me, with an explanation why.

"What if you lose your Super Powers tomorrow?"
"I'll make the most of it today"

We never know when we will have a good or bad day. Who knows if our conditions will ever go away. We just have to make the most of it when there is good health and good days. Neat thought.

No dream is too big, and no dreamer is too small.

Pretty self explanatory. Our dreams to have our health restore, or have many good days in a row. We may feel incapable or inadequate to reach our dreams, but we can make the best of life which means that no dream is too big because we can make the best, the best.

Everbody's got that one thing that makes them happy.

We need to find our happy spot or something that makes us happy no matter what. Last year, mine was The Muppet Movie. In the past it has been things like exercise, donuts, and many other things. That thing that makes you happy will help you get through hard times. 

All of these people, they believe in me.

There are times when we lose hope or we don't believe that we can get through hard times. We can think of the many others who believe in us and know that we can do. They give us the boosts we need when we are dragging or discouraged. Sometimes, we need to rely on others to gain the strength we require.

These are just a few of the thoughts that hit me while watching the movie. I'd love to hear your thoughts. Please leave a comment on these or any other thoughts that encourage. We can all use the extra dose of encouragement, especially on difficult, rough, painful, sickly days.

Out of Order

Dealing with a chronic condition? What I have found is some days that we all feel like this:



Have you had one of these days? Some days the pain is too much to bare. You lack the energy to live life the way it really should be lived. You want the day to be over as soon as it starts. You know the world would be a better place if you just stayed in bed and avoided people.

Let's face it. We all have these days, whether we suffer from a chronic condition or not. My advice is to take an "Out of Order" day. Dedicate that day to relax and renew yourself. Take a break. It will put you back to normal quicker and it will clear your mind. Some of my favorite "Out of Order" activities are reading a good book, watching movies, writing random stories, poems, or blog entries, etc.

Sometimes, an "Out of Order" day doesn't start until later in the day. That is when you treat yourself to something that will make you feel better. Find a way, even if you have to cancel something else, to take time for yourself. It will make a difference. I promise.

By the way, I will be "Out of Order" the rest the night. ;)

Perspective

Change can be a scary word. It can ignite feelings of anxious, fear, uneasiness and more. It means leaving a comfort zone. It involves progress. It is inevitable. It is necessary. Nonetheless, it can still be frightening.

My life has changed drastically since my diagnosis with gastroparesis. I am not the person I was before all of this started. It has been a difficult situation but I have learned that I can do hard things. In fact, a year or so ago, I would have said that I was in a really good spot and that I liked the person I had become and was happy being that. They really did change me. I didn't like the change when it first started but looking back, I am grateful for each one of them.

After my realization that I was comfortable and happy with life, life handed me more trials. Guess that was my first lesson to never get too comfortable. The past 5 months have been extremely difficult. I felt like, due to medical issues, I had to take many, many, many steps backwards. I also realized that the steps forward were not going to be easy and were going to require change in almost every area of my life. This was hard, especially for a person who thrives on stability.

However, this past week, I have had an epiphany of sorts. There are set things that people believe make them happy. It has different variables from age to culture. All around me, I have friends who are getting Masters Degrees or Doctorates, buying houses, getting married, having babies and finding dream jobs. The list could go on and on. They are all making huge progress in their lives. I realized my steps backwards but me behind in all of these areas. Areas that are important. I came to realize that they are not the most important things though. This is where my change has come from.

My perspective has changed and I have began to care more about things I can control and that are truly important, and less on things that are completely out of my control. Due to medical complications, I cannot be at the same place in as many people my age. However, my strength I have in overcoming difficulties has increased. I have gained insight. Here is what I have gained and what I know.

I cannot control everything in my life. Happiness really does not come from the things that I cannot control. I changed my perspective and began to look at what I had control over. I have begun to me more active in and doing everything I can for the outcomes I desire. It requires me to take action and not just wait around with false expectation. I realized that I can control my efforts of finding a job that I would enjoy, choosing a new career, taking good things into my body, having a better attitude, and making sure I was doing something for income to help make progress on medical bills, which really are scarier than change.

What have I learned from this? 

~  It works

~  Seeing the fruits of those efforts is a reward. 

~  You cannot compare yourself to others when doing this, because it is very personal.

~  You realize that the other things you thought were priority, still can be a priority, but don't determine your happiness.

~  Once you start progressing, you will see progress in the other areas that used to stress you out.

~  When people try to ask you questions like "Why aren't you....?" or "What are you doing with your life?" or any similar ones, you have an answer that makes you feel good, though it is not what they are expecting to hear.

What I had to go through to make these changes was not fun. Not at all! However, this new perspective I have is helping me to focus on becoming the person I want to be, gastroparesis and all. It has made a huge difference.

What can you do? Make a list of all the things you worry about. With medical stuff and struggles, there are usually quite a few. Then, make some sort of mark to differentiate between the ones you have no control over and the ones you have some control over. Seeing that ones you have some control over. Choose the two or three most important. For me, mine was paying off medical bills, which was related to finding work. After that, make a plan to reach your goal. I began to meet with a job coach through Vocational Rehab, who is helping me find a job with my disability. I am applying for many job. The great part is, I have heard back from some of them for interviews and more. Next, keep going with it. Don't give up. My situation is not ideal right now, but I am able to pay off bills that are needed. Lastly, be grateful for all progress, keep positive and keep going. It's a process and may not be achieved in one day.

There are ways to overcome difficulties. They key is to change your perspective and find a positive way to look at things and find ways to become more proactive in being the start of your life.

Good Luck! You can do it! 

Survivor

It's a fact of life that we all go through hard times. However, how we get through those hard times shows our true character. Some people choose to play the victim role. They think everyone and everything is out to get them. Others play it completely opposite and end up being seen as survivors.

It's hard to go through difficulties when it comes to health issues. I cannot count the number of times people have come up to me and told me I cannot catch a break or that I have been through so much. It's not easy. I have learned that my attitude is a huge factor. When I am positive I feel better and it is easier to get through the hard times. One of my favorite quotes is from Marjorie Hinckley. It says, with paraphrasing, I have two choices, I can laugh or I can cry. I choose to laugh. Crying gives me a headache.

The other day, I saw this quote and thought how the bold statement at the end can become a motto for our lives.

Let's become survivors and not victims, no matter what we are dealing with.

New Experiences. New Diets

Earlier this week, I had to have a procedure done that, in reality, I would most likely not have had for a while if my stomach properly worked. The nurse even told me I was really young to be having a colonoscopy. I thought the same thing. The next thought I had was, "Then again, what has ever been normal with me".

Some times, as we go through challenges that differentiate us from others our age, we feel strange and abnormal. I felt that way as I was resting on the hospital bed, waiting to be taken in for the scope. Then I made a decision. I was just going to be happy and optimistic about whatever was going to happen. Maybe the doctor would find that refreshing and do an extra good job.

As I talked with the doctor and nurse before the procedure, I was calm and life was good. After, I think it was the same thing. I can't rightly remember. According to my friend, I was repetitive saying "Thank you" and "They said it'll be a half hour". That's me. Full of gratitude and information. Ha Ha.

I remember the doctor coming in to talk to me, but don't remember a lot of what he said. Thank goodness he sent me home with papers. Studying the papers helped me see what they found. Nothing major, but some results are still coming. Also, they recommended a new diet for me. What kind? A high fiber one!

You may be thinking what I thought immediately after. How is a high fiber diet even possible with gastroparesis. The standard gp diet is low fat, low fiber. I have had to research this. A friend took me to the store to explore fiber options. There I decided to try pears, broccoli and found some Fiber One snacks that aren't granola bars, so they are easier to break down.

Another friend of mine, was kind enough to offer me some suggestions. Nutrition and dietetics is something she is very passionate about. She told me to stick to soluble fibers and gradually add them in. She mentioned purees and smoothies as ways to get more fiber and still have it be easy on the stomach, which is what I need. Though I can't bring myself to eat baby food, though I have been given some, that is how I need to think right now. I am also going to start experimenting with wheat breads again (gradually) to see if I can them to work. Another key, is to drink lots of water. If you know me, I don't go very many places without my water bottle.

When I first read that I needed to start a high fiber diet, my first thought was "Yeah right". I really didn't think it was possible. However, after really looking in to it, asking for help and implementing changes, I am beginning to think I was wrong. I can get more fiber, I just have to be aware of it and think of good ways to get it into by system. It starts with little choices. I've started slowly adding fiber, but still eating something to help fill me. Last night for dinner, I had two rolls, a little cheese and pears, followed by lots of water.  

That is what I have learned. No matter how impossible something seems, it is possible! You can make it work. It may require help. It may require more effort. It may take time. It make me difficult in the beginning while making the change. You can do it!

Keep Your Head Up

As I've been going through some of the struggles that have hit me because of health problems. This week was really hard to remain positive and to see the end from the beginning. I think I cried over half of the days.  Staying motivated to get things done, when nothing seems to work out was hard. I would freeze up because I was so overwhelmed with everything that had to get done and I had no idea where to begin.

Saturday night, as I was driving to the store to buy some groceries a song came on the radio. I started bopping to the beat and then I heard a few lyrics. It was talking about keeping your head up and letting go of worries. I looked up the lyrics. Wow! They completely go with me life. Medical and chronic conditions cause issues. It helped me to realize that life may be hard right now, but rainbows come after rain and you have stay positive and enjoy life, no matter what we are going through.

The song really speaks for itself and says it better than I can. Below are the lyrics as well as a video from Youtube, where you can listen to the song. With the lyrics, I have taken out parts that repeat a lot.

Keep Your Head Up - Angy Grammar

I've been waiting on the sunset
Bills on my mindset
I can't deny they're getting high
Higher than my income
Incomes bread crumbs
I've been trying to survive

The glow that the sun gets
Right around sunset
Helps me realize
This is just a journey
Drop your worries
You are gonna turn out fine.
Oh, you turn out fine.
Fine, oh, you turn out fine.

I've got my hands in my pockets,
Kicking these rocks.
It's kinda hard to watch this life go by.
I'm buying into skeptics,
Skeptics mess with, the confidence in my eyes

I'm seeing all the angles, starts to get tangled
I start to compromise
My life and the purpose.
Is it all worth it?
Am I gonna turn out fine?
Oh, you'll turn out fine.
Fine, oh, you'll turn out fine.

Only rainbows after rain
The sun will always come again.
It's a circle, circling,
Around again, it comes around again.

But you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.
You gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.

So friends, keep your head up, stay positive, enjoy life and look for rainbows! :)

Not It!!!

There are so many fun games. As a kid, one of my favorites was tag. I remember playing it at recesses and racing around the slide or the monkey bars, avoiding the person who was it. Before the game of tag would start, we would stand in a group and someone would count to three and everyone in the group would say "Not it!" loud enough so that we could all hear each other. The last person to say it would be it. Who knows if it was the fairest way to decide, but it helped make the decision of who would be chased and who would do the chasing in the beginning.

I am still a kid at heart, even though I have grown up since those playground days. Dealing with chronic illnesses and pain is kind of like playing a childhood game. We do everything we can to avoid the struggles and pains, the feelings of sickness, and the other things that prevent us from living the "normal life", if there is such a thing. We understand though, that when the hard times hit or when we are "it", we have to do our best to work through it. Sometimes we are "it" for a long time and we get tired. We want to yell "Not it!" and want our time to be done.

With gastroparesis, many people experience flare ups, when the stomach is very sensitive to anything and everything. There is pain. You are tired. There is not much that you can eat without your stomach protesting. These flare ups can lasts for a few hours, a day, a week, or more. During those times, some of those suffering want to get up and say "Not it!".

We all struggle with hard times. No one is excluded from pain or trials. For myself, it started with the gastroparesis, then I struggled with hypokalemia. After that, I was really focused on learning how to deal with and maintain proper nutrition and weight with the gastroparesis. There were other struggles. Then, last year, I lost my voice and it never came back. After lots of therapy, it started coming back. However, when it started coming back strong, pain started. I had a kidney stone that wasn't causing pain at that point. After a month and a half, I found out it was gall bladder disease and potentially appendicitis. During this time, I threw my hands up in the air and said to myself, "I'm done. Not it!". 

We can only do so much to control our circumstances, especially when dealing with chronic illnesses. We do the best we can. The part that seems to be the most difficult is hiding the discouragement when you remain "it" longer than you ever wanted to. As a kid, when this happened, I would stop chasing for a while. I'm sure it made those I was chasing frustrated, but I needed a break. Others may be frustrated that we are not doing what they want or expect us to do, but we need the break. What we do on that break and how long that break lasts is completely up to you. Here are a few ideas of things to do on that break:

Self Reflection (Finding ways to get better or ways to prevent it in the future)

Find a Positive Song (Sing and dance to it. This can be done in public or private.)

Take "Me Time" (Do something that makes you happy and even if others want to be around, politely tell  them you need to be alone for a little while.)

Memorize and Recite a Favorite Quote

Look For Something That Makes You Happy (This could be something completely unrelated to the pain.)

Watch a Funny Movie. (Avoid sad movies or dramatic ones. This is to help you forget your woes.)

Indulge in a Favorite Treat (If you can)

Find a Hobby (You should at least have one you can do while battling through the pain or struggles.)

I'm sure there are more, but this is just a beginning to help you get started. Feel free to share any ideas you have.

Unfortunately, the "Not it!" doesn't work to well anymore. None of us are immune from trials, but we can find ways to make the trials easier. 

Stronger!!!

Over the past month, so many people I know, myself included, have gone through some very difficult times. It could be the mom living in concern as her little baby goes through surgery for a G Tube, while at the the same time, trying to take care of her family and still care for friends struggling. It could be the expecting mother fighting through sickness while taking care of her little one. A friend losing a close family member at such a young age. A mom taking care of her sick self, while caring for kids. A young child with pneumonia. The amazing parents dealing with Autism with one or more of their children There are so many more that can be written here. One thing that amazes me about each of these experiences, is how much strength it takes to overcome them or to even make it through them.

My pain has been so incredibly awful for the past month, and we have yet to find an answer for the pain. During my struggles, a dear friend shared a song with me. I didn't think much of it until I listened to it. Once I started listening, I ended up crying. It was so powerful to me. I have shared it with a few friends, but wanted to share this with you all.

This is extremely powerful. No matter what you are going through, there is strength that can be drawn from whatever higher power you believe in or from deep down inside yourself. I know that hard times do make you stronger, no matter what they are. They may not strengthen us in the ways we want or think, but they will make us stronger. Seriously.

I have had gastroparesis for 8 1/2 years and I am not the same person that I was in the beginning of this ordeal. I have learned so much. I can see the blessings that have come. I have learned to fight through and overcome the condition. Am I stronger than I was when this started. You bet. There is no doubt in my mind. That strength has been drawn from family, friends, inspirational songs, words and thoughts, and surprisingly enough, within me.

It's not easy to find this strength but I can promise you. We tend to find out what we are made of when we go through these trials. We sometimes ask why do the bad things happen to us? Maybe we are hoping for good news or a light at the end of the tunnel. We are lucky to be able to get help to get through all of this. We do not have to do this alone. There are people willing to help us and add to the strength that we feel that we lack.

My trial is not even close to being over. As I write this the pain is bad. You may be going through something awful and wishing it would end or that there were a light at the end of that tunnel. We can be strong in the midst of trials and that will make us stronger and better in the end, when the trial finally passes.

I would love to help you find the strength you need to get through whatever you are going through. It really helps to have someone who has struggled. Also, I would like to ask for your help, support, and strength as well. Together, we will get through all of this, and we will be stronger than when these trials started.

It Could Be Worse

"It Could Be Worse" are four words that many people don't find very comforting during their times of trials. They don't want to think that what they are going through, what they are feeling and the trials they see could be worse. The truth is, there is always someone who is worse off than you. Hard to imagine, I know, when you are curled up on the couch in excruciating pain, or lacking in so much energy that you can barely move, or the medicines and treatments you are doing take everything out of you.

As much as I tell myself this, it takes more convincing, especially during these hard times. Maybe it is because I really don't want what I have or am feeling to get worse. That would be torture. Maybe it is because I want sympathy. Maybe it is because when going through suffering, I have a hard time seeing how it could be worse.

One morning, I woke up in pain, which is a semi-normal thing. On this day, it was different. The pain was debilitating. I could not move or did not want to try to move. The pain was intense and moving around made it worse. I stayed on the couch in a ball, not wanting to do anything. I felt guilty because there were people to help and things that needed to get done. Nothing got done, except letting my mind wander and I rested on the couch. My mind wandered through my circumstances. Then it began to think about how it could be worse. Believe it or not, I came up with multiple ways that it could be worse.

All of the sudden, I was grateful for what I had, even though it was a pain in the stomach or major discomfort in my life. It is my trial and I can survive it. I would not want to go through the other trials that people have in their lives. There are definitely people out there who are in worse shape than me, who have more pain or struggle.

I watched a little video clip the next day (still on the couch and still in pain) about a girl who has gastroparesis, except her case is worse than mine. She has a feeding tube and would miss school or life things for days, weeks and months at a time. Here I am complaining about 2 days. She does not sit around and have a pity party for herself. She looks for ways to serve others. She makes coloring books and sock monkeys for children in the hospitals in her area.

So that's the key. Find the good, serve others, and be strong.

Yes, our conditions are hard. The sicknesses we endure are difficult. It is hard to see, especially when dealing with them at that moment, how anyone else could have it worse and how things could be worse. I promise you two things. 1. There is always someone worse off than you. 2. There is good in and situation, trial or suffering.