Oh, childhood! Those days were simple ones. You played. You ate. You took naps and it was acceptable, even expected (though not to you, because you wanted to play). You laughed at something funny, cried when you were sad, and clapping your hands meant you were happy. If only it were that easy now.
As you get older, you learn that it is not always acceptable to show how you are truly feeling, nor do you want to show those feelings. You go about life laughing and clapping your hands on the outside, when the inside is crying, or stomping it's feet, or scowling. We are now, more than ever, trying to apply the fake-it-until-you-make-it attitude. This is where we act happy and okay with everything, when we really aren't.
This is no different when faced with chronic issues. You grow and progress each day that you deal with the condition. That does not mean you are always thrilled or even remotely happy about what you are going through. You learn how to get through it or hide the pain because you don't want to be seen as weak, or a complainer, or needy. The strangest part of this is that sometimes, it actually works.
Initially, when I first got sick, before my diagnosis, I was not thrilled with how I felt, the way it affected me, and how extremely difficult it was making my life. However, I kept working, pushing forward and doing everything I could to move forward. After my diagnosis, I was pretty consistent about sticking with the diet (though I strayed a few times) and taking the meds. My attitude was not always the best. That needed to change. I began to fake being happy until I actually felt that way. Now, almost 9 years after the diagnosis, I do not follow the diet as strictly and I take more risks. Some days you just have to splurge. However, I do not have as many fake-it days and have been able to find true happiness, even though I am dealing with something very difficult. Don't get me wrong. I still have my days, weeks, or months when I am not in the make-it mode. Sometimes, I don't realize I am struggling with it, until I begin to question why I am feeling and acting the way I am. It is because I automatically started faking it. I don't believe it is a bad thing (to an extent).
Whatever your condition or issue may be, you will most likely have moments when you are not thrilled with the hand you have been dealt or don't understand why you have to go through the struggles.How you deal with it is really your choice, whether you do it honestly or by faking it. Both can be good. Being honest helps you work through the feelings and get over them. Faking it allows you to move forward and move ahead. There are negative ways to get through these times as well, but those really are not recommended. Find the method that works best for you and move forward.
As great as childhood was and as nice as it was to think clapping your hands truly meant you were happy, growing up has taught us that things are not always that way. Whether we fake it or make it, it is all about our attitude and what works best for you. You can show that by clapping your hands, stomping your feet, shouting hooray, hitting a pillow, etc. The possibilities are endless.
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