My life has changed drastically since my diagnosis with gastroparesis. I am not the person I was before all of this started. It has been a difficult situation but I have learned that I can do hard things. In fact, a year or so ago, I would have said that I was in a really good spot and that I liked the person I had become and was happy being that. They really did change me. I didn't like the change when it first started but looking back, I am grateful for each one of them.
After my realization that I was comfortable and happy with life, life handed me more trials. Guess that was my first lesson to never get too comfortable. The past 5 months have been extremely difficult. I felt like, due to medical issues, I had to take many, many, many steps backwards. I also realized that the steps forward were not going to be easy and were going to require change in almost every area of my life. This was hard, especially for a person who thrives on stability.
However, this past week, I have had an epiphany of sorts. There are set things that people believe make them happy. It has different variables from age to culture. All around me, I have friends who are getting Masters Degrees or Doctorates, buying houses, getting married, having babies and finding dream jobs. The list could go on and on. They are all making huge progress in their lives. I realized my steps backwards but me behind in all of these areas. Areas that are important. I came to realize that they are not the most important things though. This is where my change has come from.
My perspective has changed and I have began to care more about things I can control and that are truly important, and less on things that are completely out of my control. Due to medical complications, I cannot be at the same place in as many people my age. However, my strength I have in overcoming difficulties has increased. I have gained insight. Here is what I have gained and what I know.
I cannot control everything in my life. Happiness really does not come from the things that I cannot control. I changed my perspective and began to look at what I had control over. I have begun to me more active in and doing everything I can for the outcomes I desire. It requires me to take action and not just wait around with false expectation. I realized that I can control my efforts of finding a job that I would enjoy, choosing a new career, taking good things into my body, having a better attitude, and making sure I was doing something for income to help make progress on medical bills, which really are scarier than change.
What have I learned from this?
~ It works
~ Seeing the fruits of those efforts is a reward.
~ You cannot compare yourself to others when doing this, because it is very personal.
~ You realize that the other things you thought were priority, still can be a priority, but don't determine your happiness.
~ Once you start progressing, you will see progress in the other areas that used to stress you out.
~ When people try to ask you questions like "Why aren't you....?" or "What are you doing with your life?" or any similar ones, you have an answer that makes you feel good, though it is not what they are expecting to hear.
What I had to go through to make these changes was not fun. Not at all! However, this new perspective I have is helping me to focus on becoming the person I want to be, gastroparesis and all. It has made a huge difference.
What can you do? Make a list of all the things you worry about. With medical stuff and struggles, there are usually quite a few. Then, make some sort of mark to differentiate between the ones you have no control over and the ones you have some control over. Seeing that ones you have some control over. Choose the two or three most important. For me, mine was paying off medical bills, which was related to finding work. After that, make a plan to reach your goal. I began to meet with a job coach through Vocational Rehab, who is helping me find a job with my disability. I am applying for many job. The great part is, I have heard back from some of them for interviews and more. Next, keep going with it. Don't give up. My situation is not ideal right now, but I am able to pay off bills that are needed. Lastly, be grateful for all progress, keep positive and keep going. It's a process and may not be achieved in one day.
There are ways to overcome difficulties. They key is to change your perspective and find a positive way to look at things and find ways to become more proactive in being the start of your life.
Good Luck! You can do it!
