Survivor

It's a fact of life that we all go through hard times. However, how we get through those hard times shows our true character. Some people choose to play the victim role. They think everyone and everything is out to get them. Others play it completely opposite and end up being seen as survivors.

It's hard to go through difficulties when it comes to health issues. I cannot count the number of times people have come up to me and told me I cannot catch a break or that I have been through so much. It's not easy. I have learned that my attitude is a huge factor. When I am positive I feel better and it is easier to get through the hard times. One of my favorite quotes is from Marjorie Hinckley. It says, with paraphrasing, I have two choices, I can laugh or I can cry. I choose to laugh. Crying gives me a headache.

The other day, I saw this quote and thought how the bold statement at the end can become a motto for our lives.

Let's become survivors and not victims, no matter what we are dealing with.

New Experiences. New Diets

Earlier this week, I had to have a procedure done that, in reality, I would most likely not have had for a while if my stomach properly worked. The nurse even told me I was really young to be having a colonoscopy. I thought the same thing. The next thought I had was, "Then again, what has ever been normal with me".

Some times, as we go through challenges that differentiate us from others our age, we feel strange and abnormal. I felt that way as I was resting on the hospital bed, waiting to be taken in for the scope. Then I made a decision. I was just going to be happy and optimistic about whatever was going to happen. Maybe the doctor would find that refreshing and do an extra good job.

As I talked with the doctor and nurse before the procedure, I was calm and life was good. After, I think it was the same thing. I can't rightly remember. According to my friend, I was repetitive saying "Thank you" and "They said it'll be a half hour". That's me. Full of gratitude and information. Ha Ha.

I remember the doctor coming in to talk to me, but don't remember a lot of what he said. Thank goodness he sent me home with papers. Studying the papers helped me see what they found. Nothing major, but some results are still coming. Also, they recommended a new diet for me. What kind? A high fiber one!

You may be thinking what I thought immediately after. How is a high fiber diet even possible with gastroparesis. The standard gp diet is low fat, low fiber. I have had to research this. A friend took me to the store to explore fiber options. There I decided to try pears, broccoli and found some Fiber One snacks that aren't granola bars, so they are easier to break down.

Another friend of mine, was kind enough to offer me some suggestions. Nutrition and dietetics is something she is very passionate about. She told me to stick to soluble fibers and gradually add them in. She mentioned purees and smoothies as ways to get more fiber and still have it be easy on the stomach, which is what I need. Though I can't bring myself to eat baby food, though I have been given some, that is how I need to think right now. I am also going to start experimenting with wheat breads again (gradually) to see if I can them to work. Another key, is to drink lots of water. If you know me, I don't go very many places without my water bottle.

When I first read that I needed to start a high fiber diet, my first thought was "Yeah right". I really didn't think it was possible. However, after really looking in to it, asking for help and implementing changes, I am beginning to think I was wrong. I can get more fiber, I just have to be aware of it and think of good ways to get it into by system. It starts with little choices. I've started slowly adding fiber, but still eating something to help fill me. Last night for dinner, I had two rolls, a little cheese and pears, followed by lots of water.  

That is what I have learned. No matter how impossible something seems, it is possible! You can make it work. It may require help. It may require more effort. It may take time. It make me difficult in the beginning while making the change. You can do it!

Keep Your Head Up

As I've been going through some of the struggles that have hit me because of health problems. This week was really hard to remain positive and to see the end from the beginning. I think I cried over half of the days.  Staying motivated to get things done, when nothing seems to work out was hard. I would freeze up because I was so overwhelmed with everything that had to get done and I had no idea where to begin.

Saturday night, as I was driving to the store to buy some groceries a song came on the radio. I started bopping to the beat and then I heard a few lyrics. It was talking about keeping your head up and letting go of worries. I looked up the lyrics. Wow! They completely go with me life. Medical and chronic conditions cause issues. It helped me to realize that life may be hard right now, but rainbows come after rain and you have stay positive and enjoy life, no matter what we are going through.

The song really speaks for itself and says it better than I can. Below are the lyrics as well as a video from Youtube, where you can listen to the song. With the lyrics, I have taken out parts that repeat a lot.

Keep Your Head Up - Angy Grammar

I've been waiting on the sunset
Bills on my mindset
I can't deny they're getting high
Higher than my income
Incomes bread crumbs
I've been trying to survive

The glow that the sun gets
Right around sunset
Helps me realize
This is just a journey
Drop your worries
You are gonna turn out fine.
Oh, you turn out fine.
Fine, oh, you turn out fine.

I've got my hands in my pockets,
Kicking these rocks.
It's kinda hard to watch this life go by.
I'm buying into skeptics,
Skeptics mess with, the confidence in my eyes

I'm seeing all the angles, starts to get tangled
I start to compromise
My life and the purpose.
Is it all worth it?
Am I gonna turn out fine?
Oh, you'll turn out fine.
Fine, oh, you'll turn out fine.

Only rainbows after rain
The sun will always come again.
It's a circle, circling,
Around again, it comes around again.

But you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.
You gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.

So friends, keep your head up, stay positive, enjoy life and look for rainbows! :)

Not It!!!

There are so many fun games. As a kid, one of my favorites was tag. I remember playing it at recesses and racing around the slide or the monkey bars, avoiding the person who was it. Before the game of tag would start, we would stand in a group and someone would count to three and everyone in the group would say "Not it!" loud enough so that we could all hear each other. The last person to say it would be it. Who knows if it was the fairest way to decide, but it helped make the decision of who would be chased and who would do the chasing in the beginning.

I am still a kid at heart, even though I have grown up since those playground days. Dealing with chronic illnesses and pain is kind of like playing a childhood game. We do everything we can to avoid the struggles and pains, the feelings of sickness, and the other things that prevent us from living the "normal life", if there is such a thing. We understand though, that when the hard times hit or when we are "it", we have to do our best to work through it. Sometimes we are "it" for a long time and we get tired. We want to yell "Not it!" and want our time to be done.

With gastroparesis, many people experience flare ups, when the stomach is very sensitive to anything and everything. There is pain. You are tired. There is not much that you can eat without your stomach protesting. These flare ups can lasts for a few hours, a day, a week, or more. During those times, some of those suffering want to get up and say "Not it!".

We all struggle with hard times. No one is excluded from pain or trials. For myself, it started with the gastroparesis, then I struggled with hypokalemia. After that, I was really focused on learning how to deal with and maintain proper nutrition and weight with the gastroparesis. There were other struggles. Then, last year, I lost my voice and it never came back. After lots of therapy, it started coming back. However, when it started coming back strong, pain started. I had a kidney stone that wasn't causing pain at that point. After a month and a half, I found out it was gall bladder disease and potentially appendicitis. During this time, I threw my hands up in the air and said to myself, "I'm done. Not it!". 

We can only do so much to control our circumstances, especially when dealing with chronic illnesses. We do the best we can. The part that seems to be the most difficult is hiding the discouragement when you remain "it" longer than you ever wanted to. As a kid, when this happened, I would stop chasing for a while. I'm sure it made those I was chasing frustrated, but I needed a break. Others may be frustrated that we are not doing what they want or expect us to do, but we need the break. What we do on that break and how long that break lasts is completely up to you. Here are a few ideas of things to do on that break:

Self Reflection (Finding ways to get better or ways to prevent it in the future)

Find a Positive Song (Sing and dance to it. This can be done in public or private.)

Take "Me Time" (Do something that makes you happy and even if others want to be around, politely tell  them you need to be alone for a little while.)

Memorize and Recite a Favorite Quote

Look For Something That Makes You Happy (This could be something completely unrelated to the pain.)

Watch a Funny Movie. (Avoid sad movies or dramatic ones. This is to help you forget your woes.)

Indulge in a Favorite Treat (If you can)

Find a Hobby (You should at least have one you can do while battling through the pain or struggles.)

I'm sure there are more, but this is just a beginning to help you get started. Feel free to share any ideas you have.

Unfortunately, the "Not it!" doesn't work to well anymore. None of us are immune from trials, but we can find ways to make the trials easier. 

Stronger!!!

Over the past month, so many people I know, myself included, have gone through some very difficult times. It could be the mom living in concern as her little baby goes through surgery for a G Tube, while at the the same time, trying to take care of her family and still care for friends struggling. It could be the expecting mother fighting through sickness while taking care of her little one. A friend losing a close family member at such a young age. A mom taking care of her sick self, while caring for kids. A young child with pneumonia. The amazing parents dealing with Autism with one or more of their children There are so many more that can be written here. One thing that amazes me about each of these experiences, is how much strength it takes to overcome them or to even make it through them.

My pain has been so incredibly awful for the past month, and we have yet to find an answer for the pain. During my struggles, a dear friend shared a song with me. I didn't think much of it until I listened to it. Once I started listening, I ended up crying. It was so powerful to me. I have shared it with a few friends, but wanted to share this with you all.

This is extremely powerful. No matter what you are going through, there is strength that can be drawn from whatever higher power you believe in or from deep down inside yourself. I know that hard times do make you stronger, no matter what they are. They may not strengthen us in the ways we want or think, but they will make us stronger. Seriously.

I have had gastroparesis for 8 1/2 years and I am not the same person that I was in the beginning of this ordeal. I have learned so much. I can see the blessings that have come. I have learned to fight through and overcome the condition. Am I stronger than I was when this started. You bet. There is no doubt in my mind. That strength has been drawn from family, friends, inspirational songs, words and thoughts, and surprisingly enough, within me.

It's not easy to find this strength but I can promise you. We tend to find out what we are made of when we go through these trials. We sometimes ask why do the bad things happen to us? Maybe we are hoping for good news or a light at the end of the tunnel. We are lucky to be able to get help to get through all of this. We do not have to do this alone. There are people willing to help us and add to the strength that we feel that we lack.

My trial is not even close to being over. As I write this the pain is bad. You may be going through something awful and wishing it would end or that there were a light at the end of that tunnel. We can be strong in the midst of trials and that will make us stronger and better in the end, when the trial finally passes.

I would love to help you find the strength you need to get through whatever you are going through. It really helps to have someone who has struggled. Also, I would like to ask for your help, support, and strength as well. Together, we will get through all of this, and we will be stronger than when these trials started.

It Could Be Worse

"It Could Be Worse" are four words that many people don't find very comforting during their times of trials. They don't want to think that what they are going through, what they are feeling and the trials they see could be worse. The truth is, there is always someone who is worse off than you. Hard to imagine, I know, when you are curled up on the couch in excruciating pain, or lacking in so much energy that you can barely move, or the medicines and treatments you are doing take everything out of you.

As much as I tell myself this, it takes more convincing, especially during these hard times. Maybe it is because I really don't want what I have or am feeling to get worse. That would be torture. Maybe it is because I want sympathy. Maybe it is because when going through suffering, I have a hard time seeing how it could be worse.

One morning, I woke up in pain, which is a semi-normal thing. On this day, it was different. The pain was debilitating. I could not move or did not want to try to move. The pain was intense and moving around made it worse. I stayed on the couch in a ball, not wanting to do anything. I felt guilty because there were people to help and things that needed to get done. Nothing got done, except letting my mind wander and I rested on the couch. My mind wandered through my circumstances. Then it began to think about how it could be worse. Believe it or not, I came up with multiple ways that it could be worse.

All of the sudden, I was grateful for what I had, even though it was a pain in the stomach or major discomfort in my life. It is my trial and I can survive it. I would not want to go through the other trials that people have in their lives. There are definitely people out there who are in worse shape than me, who have more pain or struggle.

I watched a little video clip the next day (still on the couch and still in pain) about a girl who has gastroparesis, except her case is worse than mine. She has a feeding tube and would miss school or life things for days, weeks and months at a time. Here I am complaining about 2 days. She does not sit around and have a pity party for herself. She looks for ways to serve others. She makes coloring books and sock monkeys for children in the hospitals in her area.

So that's the key. Find the good, serve others, and be strong.

Yes, our conditions are hard. The sicknesses we endure are difficult. It is hard to see, especially when dealing with them at that moment, how anyone else could have it worse and how things could be worse. I promise you two things. 1. There is always someone worse off than you. 2. There is good in and situation, trial or suffering.

A Christmas of Acceptance Challenge

It's that time of year again. The time when most people are filled with joy and laughter. When hearts are opened. The spirit of giving is apparent. Serving and helping others becomes a way of life. At this very special time of year, I would like to give you something to consider.

This is the time of year that we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. He was the ultimate examples of the feelings that people get and have during this season. He was also accepting of everyone.

It does not matter our race, religion, appearance, health (good or bad), or language. We are all special. Important. Unique. If we weren't, then life would be incredibly boring. 

Don't we all deserve to feel accepted and loved? Shouldn't everyone be entitled to feel joy, to be happy, without taking into consideration their life situation? 

This is a time for us to unite and to take action. Let's make this a Christmas of Acceptance.

This holiday season, I invite you to look at the people you know, those with whom you associate, your co-workers, family members, neighbors, or people you see at the grocery store. Is there one of those people that maybe you avoid? Someone you don't include in your plans? Perhaps there is someone you've discounted for whatever reason. 

Choose one person and take time to get to know them. Take time to understand what they are going through and why they are the way they are. Find the good. I promise you that it is there. Learn about their situation and how it makes them who they are. Finally, and most importantly, accept them. Accept them for who they are, where they have been, what they have gone through and what they have become.

Inside of each of us is a warrior who is fighting to overcome the trials that have been put in our path. For some, it may be harder to find, but it is in there. One of the greatest gift someone who is struggling could receive is to be accepted for who they are and know that they have one person who cares, a friend.

Will you do this? I plead with you to do so. It will make your holiday season better. It will brighten someone's Christmas. It will make the world a little brighter and a little happier. Please do this. 

*If you do this, I would love to hear your experiences. You can leave it as a comment or send me a message or email. It would be great to compile these experiences and share them at a later time. I  understand that these could be very personal, so don't feel like you have to share names or too many personal details. The basic story would be wonderful*

Have a Merry and Accepting Christmas and Holiday Season