Test

When you wake up and have no desire to move, you know it could be a long day. Due to pain or other issues sometimes getting out of bed is the biggest task you have and can be the biggest accomplishment of the day. It sounds a little pathetic, but it's true and the little victories need to be celebrated.

This morning, when I woke, I realized that it was going to be one of those days. I couldn't even motivate myself to get out of bed and take my medicines. As I was curled up, under my blanket, I began to wonder why I must go through the trials I have been given and wondering what it would be like to be "whole" again or to live my life without these trials of health. Then, a song I remember from high school came into my mind. It is called "The Test" by Janice Kapp Perry. I found this video on YouTube.

Needless to say, the second verse hit me. It asks about praying for healing and it not happening and understanding. It questions why healing doesn't come. Then it gives a profound answer. It is to be tested, but if we endure and endure patiently and well, we will be whole again. I yearn for that day and look forward with joy for the time when we gave be freed from these trials and burdens that tie us down in this life. Yes. This is a test, but a test we can pass!

Now I am off and going. Today is going to be a good day!

Enduring the Storms

When I started this blog, my intent was to inform and encourage others who are dealing with Gastroparesis or any other chronic condition that affects their daily life. It was meant to be uplifting and motivating. I wanted to share my story and experiences in hopes that maybe, possibly, I would be able to help or touch one person with one message. Has that happened? I don't know for sure but I hope so. I do know that it has helped me.

Recently, I have not been posting as much. It has been a while. This post is coming from a very vulnerable place and a tear or two has been shed while writing this. You see, I have been struggling with something for the past while that has taken control of me in such a difficult way. I have sat down to write, and every time that I have tried words won't come (which is strange for me because writing is one of my outlets) or what I was writing felt very hypocritical. How can I help others when I am struggling and don't know how to help myself? This question has plagued.

Now, I do not write this for sympathy. We all have our trials. Though this trial has been debilitating in some ways, there are others who have and are suffering worse. Cancer. Heart Attack. Death. This is being written to show that the issues we deal with can bring us down and can put us in situations we never thought we would be in. However, there are moments of hope or memories sparked that can help us endure.

First, let's look at the word endure. Enduring is more than just suffering. It is suffering with patience. It is lasting through the trial. It is still existing while it is under fire and still standing when it is over. Recently, I had the chance to visit Italy. We saw so many historical buildings and ruins. Each historical place has endured much. They may have lost plaster. They may not be the same as the were originally, but they have endured and become unique and beautiful. I was in awe of how beautiful these sites were and how well they had stood the test of time.

If we look at ourselves and our lives, and look at the trials or storms that are beating us down, we may be suffering.We may be getting hit from every side. There may be parts of us that no longer work. We may need to make repairs. We may be knocked down and not sure how to stand back up. The good news is that it is possible. We can rise up. We may need help. It may take a while. It is possible.

Through my current struggles, I have been reminded of a few things that can help as we set forth to conquer those issues that plague us. Of course, as in all things, these are not guaranteed to work for everyone but they are things that could potentially help.

1)  Learn from the Past: Look at what you have learned in the past and from past struggles. See how you can apply it to what you are going through now. Because each situation is so different, this can be difficult. What helped at one time, may not help with the current trial. However, there are ways to adapt to new and different circumstances.

2)  Find a Support Group:  This group could be different from the support group you established for a different struggle. That is because each trial is different. I love the people I have met through Gastroparesis. We have been able to talk through things and establish connections. Though they may not know it, they have helped me to feel supported as I have faced flare-ups or had rough days. Just by being there and being open, they showed me that I was not alone. We cannot go through these times alone. I take that back. We can go through these times alone, but it is much more difficult and easier to become discouraged. Find a group of people you trust and use them to help you. (Someday you may be able to pay it forward.)

3) Put Yourself First: One of the hardest things for me is not helping others, even when I don't have enough time or energy to help myself. I have learned that by putting me first, I am helping others, because I can more fully give and help, when I am in a good place. This means making sure you are getting adequate rest, distancing yourself from things that cause suffering (as much as is possible), taking care of your needs, physically, mentally, and emotionally, and giving yourself time to work through what ails you.

4) Be Around Children: Last weekend, I spent time with my sister and her family. It was a much needed break. I found when I was playing with the kids, I forgot about my problems and focused on trying to make them smile and helping them to be happy. I also received many hugs and cuddles, which helped me feel valued and special, even when I am facing trials. Today at church I sat behind twin baby girls and their five year-old brother. One of the little girls looked at me for a while. Once I smiled at her, she giggled and continued looking back for the smile. Her sweet spirit and smile were so helpful.

5)  Be Humble: This is a difficult step because sometimes we do not want to let people know that we are struggling. We try to hide it from the world that our lives are not perfect. Sometimes it is difficult to find someone we trust who will not judge us but love us unconditionally. We need to accept help and let people help us. It is hard to know how they can help us. Most of the time, we don't even know how to help ourselves. Honestly, being open with someone and letting them help is freeing. Sometimes there is someone who needs help as well. That help can come from helping you. It works.

These are just a few things that I have found helpful as I am going through these trials or rough times. I am no where close to perfect and am still struggling to make it through these hard times. Please share your ways of getting through hard times. Together, we can all help each find ways through this difficulties. No matter what our condition is or what we are enduring, we can find ways to cope and find happiness. We can and will make it through the storms that are hitting us. Like the sites in Italy, we will become strong, unique and beautiful as we endure our trials

Accomplishing the Difficult!

Over the past few years, I have had one goal that I have been working towards that, in the beginning seemed impossible, then improbable. However, as time went on and I worked harder to achieve it, I realized that it was completely possible. Though I was expecting to meet the goal last year, this year was the year that I finally met the goal. I ran in and completed a half marathon (wearing green for GP Awareness of course), despite my stomach issues!!!

To read a synopsis of the half marathon, visit my personal blog at wonderfulworldofwhitney.blogspot.com.

This post I would like to focus on what it takes to overcome a condition that at times can be debilitating and frustrating. This was my way to prove that Gastroparesis will not defeat me and I have control over my body.

Here is what I learned:

Start Small:

I did not wake up one day and say that I was going to run a half marathon in a week. In fact, my first running goal was a 5K and I slowly increased that goal. It didn't happen as quick for me as for other people, but slow and steady helped me to finish the race.

Listen To Your Body:

This is a tricky one. When I started seriously training for a half marathon last year. I researched training schedules and tried to force things to happen, even when my body was telling me not too. That is why I ended up with a stress fracture in my foot. Because I pushed too hard and too quick, when it wasn't what was best for my body. This year, I was able to more evenly train and mixed up the training. There were days when I knew I couldn't run, so I didn't. One week, I had a cold and knew that I needed to run. I decided that instead or a hard-core run outside, I would go to the gym and run until my body showed me signs I needed to be done. I listened and was short 4 miles of my goal, but was able to still function.

Don't Give Up!

There were so many times when I could have quit. When I first thought about the goal, I thought it was impossible. Then I began to think maybe I could, but it was unlikely. I attended a half marathon, to support some friends, and saw people finishing who had beaten so many odds and I was inspired. I began to think I could do it too. Between health scares and my foot last year, it would have been so easy to give up, but in my head the thought was there and I still wanted to make it happen. During the race, my stomach decided to fight back and try to get me to quit. I was scared that I wasn't going to win. The last mile and a half were difficult, but I was battling more than fatigue, I was battling a condition that wanted control and I didn't want to let it happen. Guess what! I beat it! I was even able to run the last half mile.

As much as the condition can drive me insane some days, it has made me a stronger person. Ten years ago, I never would have thought I would ever be healthy enough to run a half marathon, let alone make it through a day without being worn out. Over those years, I have learned valuable lessons to keep me healthy, happy and stronger, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Finishing a half marathon solidifies that our difficulties can make us stronger!

My Faith

Ten years ago, today, I was diagnosed with Gastroparesis. It is not an easy thing to be diagnosed with a condition you know nothing about, and find out that it could be chronic. For the past ten years, I have held on to hope that I would be well and whole and that my body would work properly, especially my stomach. I have progressed, but still fight daily. I know that I would not be where I am today if it weren't for all of the love and support from family and friends, and if it weren't for my faith. I have probably shared this video before, but this young girl shares some of the thoughts I have on this condition, as she shares her battle with gastroparesis.

https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2012-02-003-god-will-lift-us-up?category=topics/hope&lang=eng

Starting Over!

Life can be overwhelming sometimes. I feel like I have a good groove going with my Gastroparesis. It bothers me, but I fight back. It attacks my immune system but I have more control over it than I have ever had. However, that does not mean immunity from other issues. I have definitely had my fair share of trials. 

Over the past month or two, I have been hit with a lot of changes, most which were very unexpected. I do okay with change sometimes. When I have notice. Or I am expecting it. Anyways, I have found myself at the end of my rope. It has been hard to deal with all the changes while still trying to remain positive.

Then I look at others who are battling their personal battles with chronic conditions, disabilities, injuries, or difficult times. It is hard to see others struggle or see even see the trials they are going through. However, I have come to the conclusion that many times, while dealing with challenges, we need to take a step back, look around, analyze the situation and start over. 

With that being said, I'd like to make an announcement:

I am in the middle of starting over. I have chose three words to focus on this year (see my personal blog for more information on those) and believe that those will help me to get stable footing on solid ground. While thinking about how hard this starting over process has been, a song came to mind.

The Middle of Starting Over  - Sabrina Carpenter

Cast out to sea
Drifting with the tide
And no way of finding me
Now that I'm free
Nothing but blue skies
Paradise in front of me

Awake from this dream
I hold my breath and just believe

Tired of all the troubles
They've been wasting my time
I don't wanna fight
Gonna leave it behind
Taking on faith
Now I'm ready to fly
I'm in the middle of starting over
Back to the beginning
Gonna hit rewind
Chance to do it over
To get it right this time
Life gives you pennies
Turn them into dimes
I'm in the middle of starting over

Alone, in a room
Tearing down the walls
Painting over scars and bruises
Now, this is home
Fill it up with love
And make the best of something new, yeah

As hard as it seems
I hold my breath and just believe

The colors in the stars
Seem a little brighter
Tomorrow isn't far away!
Through the hardest part
I'm working towards a happy ending

Tired of all the troubles
They've been wasting my time
I don't wanna fight
Gonna leave it behind
Taking on faith
Now I'm ready to fly
I'm in the middle of starting over
Back to the beginning
Gonna hit rewind
Chance to do it over
Get it right this time
Life gives you pennies
Turn them into dimes
I'm in the middle of starting over

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RLcdPpjKKH )

At first, I just thought this song was a catchy melody. When I listened to the words, I realized it was so much more and it goes deep. Sometimes starting over is the best thing to do in any situation. Last night, I was doing a puzzle with some friends. We all stepped back from the table and came back. As soon as we were back, we found and put together more pieces. It was proof that stepping back during hard situations helps. I believe the song explains what I want to say so much better than I could ever. 

We can break down walls, paint over bruises and scars, take on faith, hold our breath and believe. It's not easy, but in the end, starting over is just what we may need.

Relaxing Every Day!

I was given an assignment to find something to do to relax. The I was challenged to do one thing, every day, to help me relax. It is crazy how much of a killer stress can be. It can paralyze. It can make sick. It can cause insanity. It can turn the most calm person into a basket case.

Here is what I decided.

Every day can be stress-filled. When it starts to feel overwhelming, I need to have an escape. Here is what I have decided to do. I am going to find ten things that help me relax and write them down on strips of paper. When I notice the stress coming on, I will draw one of these strips and do the activity on the strip. This will help ensure that I am doing at least one thing, every day, to help me relax.

Here are the ideas that I have:

-Take a walk
-Write a short story or article
-Take some nature pictures
-Do ballet stretches


As you can see, my list falls short of ten things. I know there are lots of ideas out there but my brain seems to be stumped. Now I am turning to you. Please share any ideas that help reduce stress or calm you down when you are stressed.

I would love to hear any and all ideas!!!

Comfort

Recently, there seems to be many people struggling with some very difficult things. There have probably always been these struggles, but they seem so much severe now, or maybe, they are more recognizable now, than before. I have no clue what they are feeling or what they are going through. My heart breaks for them. However, I do understand going through a trial where there are few who understand how one is feeling. As I have pondered this, I have realized that although understanding helps, in every trial we need find comfort in it, whether it be through someone else, a higher power, or within ourselves, which is easier said than done.

I remember one day, within six months after my diagnosis, when I had a moment of realization of the affects gastroparesis could  have on my life. I was struggling to get things under control and knowing what I could and could not eat. I was sick. I was weak. I was discouraged. I was frustrated. This moment of realization shook me to the core and I broke down. What a blessing it was to have a true friend see what was going on and take time to talk to me and support me through my tears, fears and anger. She did not understand what I was going through, but she listened, cared and provided comfort. That meant the world to me.

To those who are struggling now with difficult news, with a new diagnosis, with an unbearable hardship, or dealing with an incredible challenge, I say to seek comfort. It could be through a dear friend who is willing to sit, listen and cry with you. Maybe it can be found in hours of quiet meditation. It could possibly be found in finding joy and blessings within. They hard part is that each situation is so different and there is no surefire way of finding peace and comfort.

Recently, I sat watching So You Think You Can Dance. The choreographer, while talking about the dance, explain that girl portrays anxiety and the guy represents a place where she can find comfort. The dance was moving. There were smooth moments and then there were moments of chaos. There were times when things seemed peaceful and good, but then, moments hit. In reality, you can replace anxiety with whatever trial you are going through. Put that in. Over the past ten years, I have seen how dealing with a chronic condition is much like this. There are smooth moments when life seems good, then something happens and that peace disappears in an instance, and it is hard. it's a continuous cycle.

The dance was set to a song that is used quite frequently. This time, it made more sense. "In the arms of angels, may you find some comfort in." The video is below. (There are longer videos online that have the explanation of the routine.)

Thank you to the FOX YouTube Channel for this video clip.

It is not easy going through trials, especially those that leave you broken and struggling to find joy or hope. To those friends of mine who have been dealing with devastating problems, emotional hardships, and life-altering challenges, seek the peace and comfort that can help. Seek someone who can help you to face these situation, with a little more ease (though it may never be easy). Please know there are many out there who are thinking of you and sending positive thoughts and prayers your way. On a personal note, I wish I could be there for each one of you, to listen, to cry, to hug, to comfort. Please know that I am doing what I can from where I am at, as I know how vitally important it is to have a support system or find someone with whom you can find comfort, if even for a second. 

You are loved!

Keep Moving Forward!

Two years ago, I wrote a post about how motivational children's movies can be. Click Here for a Reminder.

Recently, I was told to read that post again and apply it to my life over the past 3 months. What an experiment this has been. My focus, as I re-read it, was on moving forward through and during trials.

The clip from Meet The Robinsons really rang true. He failed. But not one person judged him or told him he was awful, although that is what he was telling himself. In his mind he made a mistake. He didn't reach his goal. He was a disappointment to those around him. However, in their eyes, he hadn't failed, but had taken a step to moving forward or progressing to success or the ultimate goal.

I have set a goal for myself to run a half marathon. For me, with my health conditions (especially gastroparesis) this has been a very daunting task. Every time that I watch a race or run, I get emotional thinking of all the stories behind the finishes and the strength of those who overcome. It would make me excited for my turn.

In May, I signed up for a half marathon and really began to focus and train. It was so exciting and I had faith that I was going to be able to do it. Then in June, disaster hit and I became sick. The sickness lasted 6 weeks and knocked me to completely out of shape. Every day and week that passed, I knew I was that much further from reaching my goal. When I started exercising again, I pushed myself because there was 6 weeks before the half and I wanted to make it. This probably wasn't the best idea but I kept moving forward. Then, two weeks before the half, I was running my long run (10 miles) and ended up hurting my foot (stress fracture). Once again, I determined it was because of my health and because of the rate I tried to move forward. Yet, I felt like a failure.

That's a pretty depressing story, right? Well, hopefully that is not the end. You see, I emailed the race organizers and they have deferred my registration until next year, which means as soon as the boot comes off, I can start slowly training for next year and gradually work into in. Did I reach my goal this year? No. Did I fail? No. Why? There is still hope. There is still next year. My health and well being comes first, and as hard as it may be to come so close, I have taken steps towards my ultimate goal. I have come closer than ever before. Next year will be better.

Moving forward, no matter what the circumstances, helps us to reach our ultimate goals, whatever they may be. As you deal with your condition, you learn what is logical and possible. You have to listen to your mind and heart, but most of all, your body. You can only do so much. Apparently this is a lesson I have not learned completely yet, but I am trying.

This is a different take on the previous post, and that is the point. Life has changed over the past 2 years. I am in a completely different life situation and am fighting new battles. All of this has been taxing. However, I have not let it stop me, though I have wanted to stop so many times. Every day, new trials will come. New challenges arise when they are least expected. The hard par it to keep going. It would be so easy to give up when times get hard, but in our minds we can keep saying.....

"KEEP MOVING FORWARD"

Gastroparesis Awareness Month

Ten years ago, I started experiencing symptoms of an unknown condition and continued to have those symptoms for the next 8 months, without knowing why. When I finally received a diagnosis of gastroparesisin  April of the following year, I was confused. I had never heard of such a condition. I couldn't pronounce it. I couldn't remember the name. I just remember knowing that my stomach was lazy. A few weeks later, I had learned the name of my condition and that in reality, my stomach wasn't lazy, it was paralyzed. Not only that, I learned that my whole gut appeared to be paralyzed.

Education was an important part of the process to bring to where I am right now. I did research. I tried to figure out why it was happening, how to make it better and what exactly it was. It was difficult explaining it to others and I tried to avoid those awkward conversations. 

These days, I know more about the condition. I am able to explain it to others and I am able to live a normal life. However, whenever I mention my condition or attempt to explain it, the most common reaction is that the person has never heard of it before. Gastroparesis is not very well known, yet a very real condition. In fact, people have died due to the malnutrition that takes place in harsh cases.

August is Gastroparesis Awareness Month.

There are many ways to become educated.

On this blog, there are links to a few websites. Here is a link to the website on the above poster: http://www.aboutgastroparesis.org/

Ask questions of someone who has this condition. For me, I would rather people ask me questions and not assume they know what works for me or the best things.

There is so much education and research that is needed to help find treatments and cures for this condition and raising awareness is key.

Happy Gastroparesis Awareness Month!

Sit It Out or Dance?

Nostalgia hit as I was driving down the road, after a long day at work. I was exhausted. I hadn't had energy in over a month, due to medical issues, and I was ready to be done with them, though they wanted to stick around. I wanted to run. To exercise. To feel carefree. I wanted things to be "normal", whatever that means. A slower song came on the radio and I mindlessly went to change the radio station. Something stopped me. A song started playing that was so inspirational to me when I was in high school. The rush of memories enveloped me and the words of the song lingered in my mind the rest of the drive home. The song: "I Hope You Dance" by Lee Ann Womack.



(Video from YouTube)

You see, in high school, dancing was pretty much my life. I danced any chance I got. I was a part of a competitive team, my basement became a studio, and sometimes, I was even known to dance through the grocery store. I remembered liking this song the first time I heard it because it what about dancing. Then, I listened to the words and like it even more. Looking back, the trials I went through then seem so small, but I was convinced that dancing through life would ease the burdens that would come. It motivated me to keep going and move forward without fear.

I listened to that song so much, that after a while, I did get a little tired of it. However, hearing it again, I realized how deep the meaning is and how applicable it is right now, especially battling the physical and other issues that have been sent my way.

Here are some of the lyrics:

"I hope you never lose your sense of wonder"
"Always keep the hunger"
"Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens"
"Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance"
"I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance"
"Never settle for the path of least resistance"
"Livin' might mean takin' chances but they're worth takin'"
"Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance. I hope you dance."
"Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone"

When battling chronic conditions, and any other condition or sickness, the lines above can be both motivating and uplifting. Shortly after I became sick with gastroparesis (and before knowing what I had), I was told to find things that calmed me. One of those things turned out to be dancing. I was in a situation where I could not dance a ton, but doing simple stretches and barre exercises seem to help me get lost in the movement. It brought peace.

I know that I am no the only who has seen doors close, lost hope, would have rather taken a smoother path or wished for an easier life. I know that the fear of the obstacles ahead can be paralyzing. I know that by not taking chances, we are more apt to have regrets in the future. Our drive, wonder, hunger, and hope will help us to look back and be satisfied knowing that we did our very best.

I understand not everyone dances. I don't believe that is the complete message of this song. If you are not a dancer, insert an uplifting or freeing hobby or talent in the place of the word dance, like hike, run, skip, sing, draw, hunt, etc. The hope is that you take the opportunities that come your way, and embrace them, no matter what challenges and/or difficulties you have.

One last line:

"May you never take one single breath for granted".

Live life to the fullest and make each day the best, despite what you may be facing. You have the choice to sit it out or to dance.

Believe me, if all else fails, Dance (or swim, or bike, or soar)!!!!

Angels

This will be a faith-centered post. As my faith is a huge part of who I am, it is bound to come up every now and then.

Today is the birthday of one of my angels. I want to dedicate this post to him, even though I am sure he won't be reading this, but I can guarantee he has been there through all the times that I was struggling, emotionally, physically, or in any other manner. Last year, as I sat in the hospital, going through some tests to figure out what was wrong.As I sat in a long test, that was somewhat painful, he was there. I know, that no matter what, he will always be there for me. He always has and always will be.

As I have struggled to cope with my condition, through the diagnosis, flare-ups, pains, and hard times, I have honestly learned a lot. I had been having. When I feel alone, scared, frustrated, sad, or discouraged, I have learned that there is always someone there. I learned how helpful and necessary angels are, both seen and unseen.

The quote below sums this up:

"God never leaves us alone, never leaves us unaided in the challenges that we face. "[N]or will he, so long as time shall last, or the earth shall stand, or there shall be one man [or woman or child] upon the face thereof to be saved." On occasions, global or personal, we may feel we are distanced from God, shut out from heaven, lost, alone in dark and dreary places. Often enough that distress can be of our own making, but even then the Father of us all is watching and assisting. And always there are those angels who comes and go all around us, seen and unseen, known and unknown, mortal and immortal." ~Jeffrey R. Holland


I know that this is true and that angels. There are people here who can help you whether it be through a smile, a needed talk, an act of service, being there when times are hard, and so much more. These are are examples of seen and known angels. Even more, I know that there are unseen angels, who help and support us in those moments when we need it the most or at those times when we can't make it on our own. I am so grateful for both types of angels in my life.

Standing By

When I was first diagnosed with Gastroparesis, there was an excitement with finally knowing what was wrong. After the excitement wore off, I knew I was going to need the love and support of others during the coping period and while I tried to make sense of the diagnosis and of what was to come. I am so grateful for the many people who stood by me during those times. I admit, it wasn't always pretty. I remember when I initially hospitalized after an Endoscopy for malnutrition and dehydration. I also underwent some other test. The put me on the cardio floor and I was, by far, the youngest person on the floor. It was the week before Easter, and who wants to spend a holiday in the hospital. When I was first given something of color to eat, my mom decided to take a picture of me with it. Big deal when you green jello. She joked about how the jello stood out because everything, including myself was so gray. I wasn't healthy. It gave me a chuckle.

On the Friday before Easter, one of the nurses came in and told me that if I was still there on Easter (because there was no timeline for my release), they would set up an Easter Egg Hunt for me. It was so kind and nice of them. Here I was, 23 years old, and having nurses wanting to set things like this up for me. They were great! I was release from the hospital the next day and never did get that egg hunt, but was so grateful for the thought.

There were visits, singing telegrams, shoulders to cry on, milkshake get togethers, and so man other things that let me know people were there for me and would stay with me through this trial.

There were so many people who stood by me through all of this. If I named names, I would surely forget someone. However, I truly want to express my gratitude for the people who helped me through: family, friends, medical staffs, employers and coworkers, church leaders, companions, and so many more. I could not have made it through all of this without you.

I wish I could return the favor to each and everyone. There are two songs that have become theme songs for me. I so badly desire to help others through hard times (facing it with compassion, understanding and reality) because of all the help and support I have received.

 

It is so crazy how true this song is. We will have trials, pains, and hard times. Life is not east, especially when dealing with chronic illnesses. There is always tomorrow and we can always make tomorrow and better day then yesterday or today. We cannot always rely on ourselves. Our strength will not hold up, but with help we can get through. After we cope, we can sing this song. "Lean on Me, when you're not strong. I'll be your friend. I'll help you carry on."

First, I love the video that goes with this song. These children are going through some harsh trials, but look at how happy they are and the joy they are finding. That is a message in and of itself. Next, this expresses my feelings so much. Talk to me. Let me help. It's hard to let your feelings out or to talk about your trials, and I promise I will not turn my back on you because of your trials. I'll be here for you! Third, it is so easy to feel abandoned, alone or forgotten, but I promise you that you are not! There is always someone who cares. If you can't find that someone, remember I am here and I care. These lyrics are so powerful that I wanted to share them with you:

Oh, why you look so sad?

the Tears are in your eyes

Come on and come to me now

Don't be ashamed to cry

Let me see you through

'Cause I've seen the dark side too

When the night falls on you

You don't know what to do

Nothing you confess

Could make me love you less

I'll stand by you

I'll stand by you

I won't let nobody hurt you

I'll stand by you

So, if you're mad, get mad!

Don't hold it all inside

Come on and talk to me now

Hey, what you got to hide?

I get angry too

Well I'm a lot like you

When you're standing at the crossroads

And don't know which path to choose

Let me come along

'Cause even if you're wrong

I'll stand by you

I'll stand by you

I won't let nobody hurt you

I'll stand by you

Take me in into your darkest hour

And I'll never desert you

I'll stand by you

And when, when the night falls on you baby

You're feeling all alone

You won't be on your own

I'll stand by you

I'll stand by you

I won't let nobody hurt you

I'll stand by you

Take me in into your darkest hour

And I'll never desert you

I'll stand by you

Oh, I'll stand by you

I'll stand by you

Lyrics from: http://www.metrolyrics.com/ill-stand-by-you-lyrics-carrie-underwood.html

Once again, a sincere thank you to all those who allowed me to lean on them, and still allow me to do so, during hard times. These songs express my promise to you (and anyone who is reading this). I'll stand by you so please lean and call on me when you need a friend or support. We all need love and support!

I Lived!

Waking up this morning was difficult. Within five minutes of my alarm going off, I knew that my stomach was not happy. It didn't want me to move.

I moved anyways.

It was not happy with me. At all.

I pushed forward.

I made it through the work day and came home.

I survived.

I knew that I needed to move, but was unable to find the motivation. That is until a good friend texted me to go walking.

I went.

As we talked about trials and struggles, an amazing thing happened.

I was INSPIRED!

Both of us have been through some rough patches and we talked about things that help us get through.

She shared with me this song:

My mind started going.

HOPE:  This word is mentioned nine times (in one form or another) during the song. Whether we feel it or not, there are also people who have hopes for us. These statements are powerful. "I hope you spend your days, but they all add up". "I hope that you don't suffer, but take the pain". What incredible thoughts. Take the pain, but don't become a sufferer. Make the most of every day, every hour, every minute.

GIVE IT ALL:   One of my favorite lines is, "The only way you can know is give it all you have.". How many times do we let how we are feeling or what we are going through stop us from doing something. We will only know if we could have done it or done better, if we act. We cannot let hard times stop us from moving forward or living our own hopes and dreams.

LIVE:   The chorus is powerful, especially with the story of the young man, in the video above. Are we doing all we can? When we are broken, do we continue living, fighting, pressing forward? Are we making the most of our lives?

No matter what the condition is that we are dealing with, we all have the power and ability to make committing statements.

I will move.

I will be happy.

I will have hope.

I will make the most of life.

I will give it all I have.

I will live.

If You're Happy and You Know It.... Fake it!

"If you're happy and you know it clap your hands" (Clap, Clap)

Oh, childhood! Those days were simple ones. You played. You ate. You took naps and it was acceptable, even expected (though not to you, because you wanted to play). You laughed at something funny, cried when you were sad, and clapping your hands meant you were happy. If only it were that easy now.

As you get older, you learn that it is not always acceptable to show how you are truly feeling, nor do you want to show those feelings. You go about life laughing and clapping your hands on the outside, when the inside is crying, or stomping it's feet, or scowling. We are now, more than ever, trying to apply the fake-it-until-you-make-it attitude. This is where we act happy and okay with everything, when we really aren't.

This is no different when faced with chronic issues. You grow and progress each day that you deal with the condition. That does not mean you are always thrilled or even remotely happy about what you are going through. You learn how to get through it or hide the pain because you don't want to be seen as weak, or a complainer, or needy. The strangest part of this is that sometimes, it actually works.

Initially, when I first got sick, before my diagnosis, I was not thrilled with how I felt, the way it affected me, and how extremely difficult it was making my life. However, I kept working, pushing forward and doing everything I could to move forward. After my diagnosis, I was pretty consistent about sticking with the diet (though I strayed a few times) and taking the meds. My attitude was not always the best. That needed to change. I began to fake being happy until I actually felt that way. Now, almost 9 years after the diagnosis, I do not follow the diet as strictly and I take more risks. Some days you just have to splurge. However, I do not have as many fake-it days and have been able to find true happiness, even though I am dealing with something very difficult. Don't get me wrong. I still have my days, weeks, or months when I am not in the make-it mode. Sometimes, I don't realize I am struggling with it, until I begin to question why I am feeling and acting the way I am. It is because I automatically started faking it. I don't believe it is a bad thing (to an extent).

Whatever your condition or issue may be, you will most likely have moments when you are not thrilled with the hand you have been dealt or don't understand why you have to go through the struggles.How you deal with it is really your choice, whether you do it honestly or by faking it. Both can be good. Being honest helps you work through the feelings and get over them. Faking it allows you to move forward and move ahead. There are negative ways to get through these times as well, but those really are not recommended. Find the method that works best for you and move forward.

As great as childhood was and as nice as it was to think clapping your hands truly meant you were happy, growing up has taught us that things are not always that way. Whether we fake it or make it, it is all about our attitude and what works best for you. You can show that by clapping your hands, stomping your feet, shouting hooray, hitting a pillow, etc. The possibilities are endless.

Look For The Good

The title says it all, but let's preface this with a story. We all have our own stories in life, and unfortunately, I do not know all of your stories. That means, by sharing a story it will either be made up (which would defeat the purpose of this post) or come from my life.

As many know, health problems have plagued me this year from surgeries to kidney stones, and so many things in between. Going through these difficulties was not my favorite. After resolving these issues, I moved, thinking that life would look up from there because what else could I possibly go through. I was wrong. More trials came and I began to be confused about why all these hard things were happening to me, in my life. Just before Thanksgiving, I was sitting in a class and realized how important it is to be grateful for the hard times. ~ I can see your head turning. Don't worry. I'll explain.~ I was also made aware of the importance of counting your blessings.

It reminded me of a quote:

"Count your blessings and your problems... If your problems outnumber your blessings, count again.... Chances are the things you take for granted were not added up"

Wow! What more can be said. Doing this created awareness, especially when problems seem to overtake life. There is good in every situation. Some situations require more digging and work to find the positive. But the treasure of those far outweighs the good we can easily see, without much effort.

This poem sums up what this post is saying:

Motivation

As you can see, I really haven't been great about updating this blog. Between being busy, being sick (for 3 weeks) and everything else, it became clear that I was really struggling and no desire or energy to move forward. The fact is, I lacked (and still lack) motivation.

I wish there were a magical cure for this. A way to find motivation would be incredible right now. In fact, just the other day, I saw a question, similar to this: If you found a magic lamp with a Genie and were only given one wish, instead of three like Aladdin, what would you wish for? One of my answers was motivation.

As I started feeling better, there was very little energy to get things done and as I started getting energy, there was very little desire to much, for fear of overdoing it and going back to being blah. I have seen a little bit of improvement and have done a few things, but this had made me realize how important being motivated is in dealing with any health condition or situation.

From what is written above, I am not an expert on this subject at all. In fact, I could use some help brainstorming and discussing ideas and ways to get or remain motivated, especially when they are struggling with lack of hope or helplessness or the struggles involved with chronic health condition, in all realms: physical, mental, social, and emotional.

Please comment below or leave a me a message or comment somewhere. I will try to share the compilation of ideas so that we can all get the help we need on this subject. Thank you in advance. :)

Adjustments: It's a Process

Recently, I relocated from a place I loved. I was completely comfortable there. I had amazing friends, a wonderful support group, and knew who I was there. It was small enough place but big enough. It was so perfect for me. Leaving was something that I really did not want to do.

I moved with a little but of a sour attitude. I didn't want to live where I had accepted a job, so I chose to commute and live in a smaller place. However, I did not want to be there. I did want to make the changes that I knew were going to be made and I did not want to leave behind or lose the memories of the place I loved so much.

A few weeks after moving here, reality sunk in. I realized that if I was going to be truly happy and content with life, I have to make the decision to be happy and put forth efforts. I had to try to ingratiate myself into my workplace setting, my home setting and my community. This was difficult for me. It made me anxious. I had no clue what to do, and sometimes still feel like I don't. I wasn't sure how I could ever adapt.

Now, I would be lying if I told you that I am completely comfortable and adapted to life in a new place, my workplace setting and all. However, I am becoming more so. I have learned that this requires adjustments and that it truly is a process. I know what you're thinking, "What does this have to do with Gastroparesis or other chronic conditions?" Allow me to explain.

Shortly after getting sick with GP, I had no clue what was going on, how to cope, or if this would be my life for the rest of forever. I made due, but it was exhausting. After my diagnosis, which happened around 8 months after getting sick, it was time to make adjustments. I had to adjust from living the life of a completely healthy and active young adult to one who had some serious issues that would be there long term. It wasn't easy at all.

I tried to maintain a positive attitude, and maybe on the outside it worked. However, I was not to thrilled about some of the changes. The first little bit after my diagnosis, I was asked not to exercise anymore. I was put on an all liquid diet. I was put on new medicines. I knew that this was not the life I wanted. Yet, these adjustments were necessary so I went and did.

When I did not see things in life going the way I wanted, I re-evaluated things and realized it was time for another adjustment. This one was major. It was time to adjust my attitude. I had to stop looking at myself as a sick, energy-less girl. I had to stop thinking that my life was pathetic and would never be full. I had to stop feeling sorry for myself. In turn, I had to start seeing the good in myself, finding positive experience, and discovering that I could make my life as full as possible.

With time, I have adjusted my diet to include soft foods. I am no longer an all-liquids girl. Some days I may choose all liquids, but that is because through my adjustment process, I learned that on rough days, liquids are what work the best and are what will keep me healthy. I have learned, which is what adjusting is all about. Finding out what works for you and making that your new normal. Then you must embrace the new normal you have.

Sounds simple right? Nope! It's not easy. It took so much time and so much effort. There were days of tears. I fell back into old habits of self-pity. However, over time and with so much effort, I have become a more positive person. I don't look at myself as sick or needy, though some days are still that way. I learned that my condition does not define me or how I have to act. I can beat my condition in some ways, though I know that it is a chronic problem.

We don't always want to make changes to our lives or allow our conditions to control life. They don't have to. These adjustments are because we are choosing to make things better. However, this requires us to actually make an effort to see things in this light.

When you are dealing with conditions that are chronic, it is easy to lose hope. It sometimes seems easier to go through the trial of the condition rather than make adjustments to make life better. Adjustments are difficult. Sometimes those adjustments can be painful. I'd imagine, and I've read a little bit to back this up though I have never experienced it myself), that after being adjusted by a Chiropractor, there is a level of pain and discomfort that goes away with time. After that, things usually are better than they were before.

When dealing with chronic conditions, the adjustments are necessary and take time. They are not easy, whether it be a change in eating habits or a change in lifestyle. But after the adjustment has been made and in time, you see the benefits. Earlier this year, after some physical issues, I decided to cut back on one of the foods that I love. It was really hard in the beginning. However, it has become much less of a necessity now, and I feel better about my health. The adjustment wasn't easy, but it was worth it in the end.

Whatever the change may be, I encourage you make it. You can start with a little adjustment here or there. When it becomes difficult, remind yourself of the result you are going for and that life will be better. I am currently going through this process again, with a new issue that has come up and it has not been easy for me to accept the issue or have patience when it seems like the adjustments just aren't working.

For the next month, I am going to make the adjustment that I am working on and stick to it, though it may be difficult. I will report back after a month. I invite you all to do the same. Let's be a support system for each other so we can make it through these difficult challenges that we face.

Good Luck!

Turbo Encouragement

First, sorry I haven't posted in  a while. Life has been a tad bit crazy. Those with chronic medical issues know that they can bring some complications. Thankfully my haven't been terrible. I can tell that my body needs to rest and relax, which is why I took a play day Saturday. Part of that included watching a movie in the park. The movie had some lines that really made me think. What movie?

TURBO!!!!
(Thanks Google Images for the picture).

I understand this is a animated flick, but below are some quotes that  hit me, with an explanation why.

"What if you lose your Super Powers tomorrow?"
"I'll make the most of it today"

We never know when we will have a good or bad day. Who knows if our conditions will ever go away. We just have to make the most of it when there is good health and good days. Neat thought.

No dream is too big, and no dreamer is too small.

Pretty self explanatory. Our dreams to have our health restore, or have many good days in a row. We may feel incapable or inadequate to reach our dreams, but we can make the best of life which means that no dream is too big because we can make the best, the best.

Everbody's got that one thing that makes them happy.

We need to find our happy spot or something that makes us happy no matter what. Last year, mine was The Muppet Movie. In the past it has been things like exercise, donuts, and many other things. That thing that makes you happy will help you get through hard times. 

All of these people, they believe in me.

There are times when we lose hope or we don't believe that we can get through hard times. We can think of the many others who believe in us and know that we can do. They give us the boosts we need when we are dragging or discouraged. Sometimes, we need to rely on others to gain the strength we require.

These are just a few of the thoughts that hit me while watching the movie. I'd love to hear your thoughts. Please leave a comment on these or any other thoughts that encourage. We can all use the extra dose of encouragement, especially on difficult, rough, painful, sickly days.

Out of Order

Dealing with a chronic condition? What I have found is some days that we all feel like this:



Have you had one of these days? Some days the pain is too much to bare. You lack the energy to live life the way it really should be lived. You want the day to be over as soon as it starts. You know the world would be a better place if you just stayed in bed and avoided people.

Let's face it. We all have these days, whether we suffer from a chronic condition or not. My advice is to take an "Out of Order" day. Dedicate that day to relax and renew yourself. Take a break. It will put you back to normal quicker and it will clear your mind. Some of my favorite "Out of Order" activities are reading a good book, watching movies, writing random stories, poems, or blog entries, etc.

Sometimes, an "Out of Order" day doesn't start until later in the day. That is when you treat yourself to something that will make you feel better. Find a way, even if you have to cancel something else, to take time for yourself. It will make a difference. I promise.

By the way, I will be "Out of Order" the rest the night. ;)

Perspective

Change can be a scary word. It can ignite feelings of anxious, fear, uneasiness and more. It means leaving a comfort zone. It involves progress. It is inevitable. It is necessary. Nonetheless, it can still be frightening.

My life has changed drastically since my diagnosis with gastroparesis. I am not the person I was before all of this started. It has been a difficult situation but I have learned that I can do hard things. In fact, a year or so ago, I would have said that I was in a really good spot and that I liked the person I had become and was happy being that. They really did change me. I didn't like the change when it first started but looking back, I am grateful for each one of them.

After my realization that I was comfortable and happy with life, life handed me more trials. Guess that was my first lesson to never get too comfortable. The past 5 months have been extremely difficult. I felt like, due to medical issues, I had to take many, many, many steps backwards. I also realized that the steps forward were not going to be easy and were going to require change in almost every area of my life. This was hard, especially for a person who thrives on stability.

However, this past week, I have had an epiphany of sorts. There are set things that people believe make them happy. It has different variables from age to culture. All around me, I have friends who are getting Masters Degrees or Doctorates, buying houses, getting married, having babies and finding dream jobs. The list could go on and on. They are all making huge progress in their lives. I realized my steps backwards but me behind in all of these areas. Areas that are important. I came to realize that they are not the most important things though. This is where my change has come from.

My perspective has changed and I have began to care more about things I can control and that are truly important, and less on things that are completely out of my control. Due to medical complications, I cannot be at the same place in as many people my age. However, my strength I have in overcoming difficulties has increased. I have gained insight. Here is what I have gained and what I know.

I cannot control everything in my life. Happiness really does not come from the things that I cannot control. I changed my perspective and began to look at what I had control over. I have begun to me more active in and doing everything I can for the outcomes I desire. It requires me to take action and not just wait around with false expectation. I realized that I can control my efforts of finding a job that I would enjoy, choosing a new career, taking good things into my body, having a better attitude, and making sure I was doing something for income to help make progress on medical bills, which really are scarier than change.

What have I learned from this? 

~  It works

~  Seeing the fruits of those efforts is a reward. 

~  You cannot compare yourself to others when doing this, because it is very personal.

~  You realize that the other things you thought were priority, still can be a priority, but don't determine your happiness.

~  Once you start progressing, you will see progress in the other areas that used to stress you out.

~  When people try to ask you questions like "Why aren't you....?" or "What are you doing with your life?" or any similar ones, you have an answer that makes you feel good, though it is not what they are expecting to hear.

What I had to go through to make these changes was not fun. Not at all! However, this new perspective I have is helping me to focus on becoming the person I want to be, gastroparesis and all. It has made a huge difference.

What can you do? Make a list of all the things you worry about. With medical stuff and struggles, there are usually quite a few. Then, make some sort of mark to differentiate between the ones you have no control over and the ones you have some control over. Seeing that ones you have some control over. Choose the two or three most important. For me, mine was paying off medical bills, which was related to finding work. After that, make a plan to reach your goal. I began to meet with a job coach through Vocational Rehab, who is helping me find a job with my disability. I am applying for many job. The great part is, I have heard back from some of them for interviews and more. Next, keep going with it. Don't give up. My situation is not ideal right now, but I am able to pay off bills that are needed. Lastly, be grateful for all progress, keep positive and keep going. It's a process and may not be achieved in one day.

There are ways to overcome difficulties. They key is to change your perspective and find a positive way to look at things and find ways to become more proactive in being the start of your life.

Good Luck! You can do it!