Test

When you wake up and have no desire to move, you know it could be a long day. Due to pain or other issues sometimes getting out of bed is the biggest task you have and can be the biggest accomplishment of the day. It sounds a little pathetic, but it's true and the little victories need to be celebrated.

This morning, when I woke, I realized that it was going to be one of those days. I couldn't even motivate myself to get out of bed and take my medicines. As I was curled up, under my blanket, I began to wonder why I must go through the trials I have been given and wondering what it would be like to be "whole" again or to live my life without these trials of health. Then, a song I remember from high school came into my mind. It is called "The Test" by Janice Kapp Perry. I found this video on YouTube.

Needless to say, the second verse hit me. It asks about praying for healing and it not happening and understanding. It questions why healing doesn't come. Then it gives a profound answer. It is to be tested, but if we endure and endure patiently and well, we will be whole again. I yearn for that day and look forward with joy for the time when we gave be freed from these trials and burdens that tie us down in this life. Yes. This is a test, but a test we can pass!

Now I am off and going. Today is going to be a good day!

Enduring the Storms

When I started this blog, my intent was to inform and encourage others who are dealing with Gastroparesis or any other chronic condition that affects their daily life. It was meant to be uplifting and motivating. I wanted to share my story and experiences in hopes that maybe, possibly, I would be able to help or touch one person with one message. Has that happened? I don't know for sure but I hope so. I do know that it has helped me.

Recently, I have not been posting as much. It has been a while. This post is coming from a very vulnerable place and a tear or two has been shed while writing this. You see, I have been struggling with something for the past while that has taken control of me in such a difficult way. I have sat down to write, and every time that I have tried words won't come (which is strange for me because writing is one of my outlets) or what I was writing felt very hypocritical. How can I help others when I am struggling and don't know how to help myself? This question has plagued.

Now, I do not write this for sympathy. We all have our trials. Though this trial has been debilitating in some ways, there are others who have and are suffering worse. Cancer. Heart Attack. Death. This is being written to show that the issues we deal with can bring us down and can put us in situations we never thought we would be in. However, there are moments of hope or memories sparked that can help us endure.

First, let's look at the word endure. Enduring is more than just suffering. It is suffering with patience. It is lasting through the trial. It is still existing while it is under fire and still standing when it is over. Recently, I had the chance to visit Italy. We saw so many historical buildings and ruins. Each historical place has endured much. They may have lost plaster. They may not be the same as the were originally, but they have endured and become unique and beautiful. I was in awe of how beautiful these sites were and how well they had stood the test of time.

If we look at ourselves and our lives, and look at the trials or storms that are beating us down, we may be suffering.We may be getting hit from every side. There may be parts of us that no longer work. We may need to make repairs. We may be knocked down and not sure how to stand back up. The good news is that it is possible. We can rise up. We may need help. It may take a while. It is possible.

Through my current struggles, I have been reminded of a few things that can help as we set forth to conquer those issues that plague us. Of course, as in all things, these are not guaranteed to work for everyone but they are things that could potentially help.

1)  Learn from the Past: Look at what you have learned in the past and from past struggles. See how you can apply it to what you are going through now. Because each situation is so different, this can be difficult. What helped at one time, may not help with the current trial. However, there are ways to adapt to new and different circumstances.

2)  Find a Support Group:  This group could be different from the support group you established for a different struggle. That is because each trial is different. I love the people I have met through Gastroparesis. We have been able to talk through things and establish connections. Though they may not know it, they have helped me to feel supported as I have faced flare-ups or had rough days. Just by being there and being open, they showed me that I was not alone. We cannot go through these times alone. I take that back. We can go through these times alone, but it is much more difficult and easier to become discouraged. Find a group of people you trust and use them to help you. (Someday you may be able to pay it forward.)

3) Put Yourself First: One of the hardest things for me is not helping others, even when I don't have enough time or energy to help myself. I have learned that by putting me first, I am helping others, because I can more fully give and help, when I am in a good place. This means making sure you are getting adequate rest, distancing yourself from things that cause suffering (as much as is possible), taking care of your needs, physically, mentally, and emotionally, and giving yourself time to work through what ails you.

4) Be Around Children: Last weekend, I spent time with my sister and her family. It was a much needed break. I found when I was playing with the kids, I forgot about my problems and focused on trying to make them smile and helping them to be happy. I also received many hugs and cuddles, which helped me feel valued and special, even when I am facing trials. Today at church I sat behind twin baby girls and their five year-old brother. One of the little girls looked at me for a while. Once I smiled at her, she giggled and continued looking back for the smile. Her sweet spirit and smile were so helpful.

5)  Be Humble: This is a difficult step because sometimes we do not want to let people know that we are struggling. We try to hide it from the world that our lives are not perfect. Sometimes it is difficult to find someone we trust who will not judge us but love us unconditionally. We need to accept help and let people help us. It is hard to know how they can help us. Most of the time, we don't even know how to help ourselves. Honestly, being open with someone and letting them help is freeing. Sometimes there is someone who needs help as well. That help can come from helping you. It works.

These are just a few things that I have found helpful as I am going through these trials or rough times. I am no where close to perfect and am still struggling to make it through these hard times. Please share your ways of getting through hard times. Together, we can all help each find ways through this difficulties. No matter what our condition is or what we are enduring, we can find ways to cope and find happiness. We can and will make it through the storms that are hitting us. Like the sites in Italy, we will become strong, unique and beautiful as we endure our trials

Accomplishing the Difficult!

Over the past few years, I have had one goal that I have been working towards that, in the beginning seemed impossible, then improbable. However, as time went on and I worked harder to achieve it, I realized that it was completely possible. Though I was expecting to meet the goal last year, this year was the year that I finally met the goal. I ran in and completed a half marathon (wearing green for GP Awareness of course), despite my stomach issues!!!

To read a synopsis of the half marathon, visit my personal blog at wonderfulworldofwhitney.blogspot.com.

This post I would like to focus on what it takes to overcome a condition that at times can be debilitating and frustrating. This was my way to prove that Gastroparesis will not defeat me and I have control over my body.

Here is what I learned:

Start Small:

I did not wake up one day and say that I was going to run a half marathon in a week. In fact, my first running goal was a 5K and I slowly increased that goal. It didn't happen as quick for me as for other people, but slow and steady helped me to finish the race.

Listen To Your Body:

This is a tricky one. When I started seriously training for a half marathon last year. I researched training schedules and tried to force things to happen, even when my body was telling me not too. That is why I ended up with a stress fracture in my foot. Because I pushed too hard and too quick, when it wasn't what was best for my body. This year, I was able to more evenly train and mixed up the training. There were days when I knew I couldn't run, so I didn't. One week, I had a cold and knew that I needed to run. I decided that instead or a hard-core run outside, I would go to the gym and run until my body showed me signs I needed to be done. I listened and was short 4 miles of my goal, but was able to still function.

Don't Give Up!

There were so many times when I could have quit. When I first thought about the goal, I thought it was impossible. Then I began to think maybe I could, but it was unlikely. I attended a half marathon, to support some friends, and saw people finishing who had beaten so many odds and I was inspired. I began to think I could do it too. Between health scares and my foot last year, it would have been so easy to give up, but in my head the thought was there and I still wanted to make it happen. During the race, my stomach decided to fight back and try to get me to quit. I was scared that I wasn't going to win. The last mile and a half were difficult, but I was battling more than fatigue, I was battling a condition that wanted control and I didn't want to let it happen. Guess what! I beat it! I was even able to run the last half mile.

As much as the condition can drive me insane some days, it has made me a stronger person. Ten years ago, I never would have thought I would ever be healthy enough to run a half marathon, let alone make it through a day without being worn out. Over those years, I have learned valuable lessons to keep me healthy, happy and stronger, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Finishing a half marathon solidifies that our difficulties can make us stronger!

My Faith

Ten years ago, today, I was diagnosed with Gastroparesis. It is not an easy thing to be diagnosed with a condition you know nothing about, and find out that it could be chronic. For the past ten years, I have held on to hope that I would be well and whole and that my body would work properly, especially my stomach. I have progressed, but still fight daily. I know that I would not be where I am today if it weren't for all of the love and support from family and friends, and if it weren't for my faith. I have probably shared this video before, but this young girl shares some of the thoughts I have on this condition, as she shares her battle with gastroparesis.

https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2012-02-003-god-will-lift-us-up?category=topics/hope&lang=eng

Starting Over!

Life can be overwhelming sometimes. I feel like I have a good groove going with my Gastroparesis. It bothers me, but I fight back. It attacks my immune system but I have more control over it than I have ever had. However, that does not mean immunity from other issues. I have definitely had my fair share of trials. 

Over the past month or two, I have been hit with a lot of changes, most which were very unexpected. I do okay with change sometimes. When I have notice. Or I am expecting it. Anyways, I have found myself at the end of my rope. It has been hard to deal with all the changes while still trying to remain positive.

Then I look at others who are battling their personal battles with chronic conditions, disabilities, injuries, or difficult times. It is hard to see others struggle or see even see the trials they are going through. However, I have come to the conclusion that many times, while dealing with challenges, we need to take a step back, look around, analyze the situation and start over. 

With that being said, I'd like to make an announcement:

I am in the middle of starting over. I have chose three words to focus on this year (see my personal blog for more information on those) and believe that those will help me to get stable footing on solid ground. While thinking about how hard this starting over process has been, a song came to mind.

The Middle of Starting Over  - Sabrina Carpenter

Cast out to sea
Drifting with the tide
And no way of finding me
Now that I'm free
Nothing but blue skies
Paradise in front of me

Awake from this dream
I hold my breath and just believe

Tired of all the troubles
They've been wasting my time
I don't wanna fight
Gonna leave it behind
Taking on faith
Now I'm ready to fly
I'm in the middle of starting over
Back to the beginning
Gonna hit rewind
Chance to do it over
To get it right this time
Life gives you pennies
Turn them into dimes
I'm in the middle of starting over

Alone, in a room
Tearing down the walls
Painting over scars and bruises
Now, this is home
Fill it up with love
And make the best of something new, yeah

As hard as it seems
I hold my breath and just believe

The colors in the stars
Seem a little brighter
Tomorrow isn't far away!
Through the hardest part
I'm working towards a happy ending

Tired of all the troubles
They've been wasting my time
I don't wanna fight
Gonna leave it behind
Taking on faith
Now I'm ready to fly
I'm in the middle of starting over
Back to the beginning
Gonna hit rewind
Chance to do it over
Get it right this time
Life gives you pennies
Turn them into dimes
I'm in the middle of starting over

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RLcdPpjKKH )

At first, I just thought this song was a catchy melody. When I listened to the words, I realized it was so much more and it goes deep. Sometimes starting over is the best thing to do in any situation. Last night, I was doing a puzzle with some friends. We all stepped back from the table and came back. As soon as we were back, we found and put together more pieces. It was proof that stepping back during hard situations helps. I believe the song explains what I want to say so much better than I could ever. 

We can break down walls, paint over bruises and scars, take on faith, hold our breath and believe. It's not easy, but in the end, starting over is just what we may need.

Relaxing Every Day!

I was given an assignment to find something to do to relax. The I was challenged to do one thing, every day, to help me relax. It is crazy how much of a killer stress can be. It can paralyze. It can make sick. It can cause insanity. It can turn the most calm person into a basket case.

Here is what I decided.

Every day can be stress-filled. When it starts to feel overwhelming, I need to have an escape. Here is what I have decided to do. I am going to find ten things that help me relax and write them down on strips of paper. When I notice the stress coming on, I will draw one of these strips and do the activity on the strip. This will help ensure that I am doing at least one thing, every day, to help me relax.

Here are the ideas that I have:

-Take a walk
-Write a short story or article
-Take some nature pictures
-Do ballet stretches


As you can see, my list falls short of ten things. I know there are lots of ideas out there but my brain seems to be stumped. Now I am turning to you. Please share any ideas that help reduce stress or calm you down when you are stressed.

I would love to hear any and all ideas!!!

Comfort

Recently, there seems to be many people struggling with some very difficult things. There have probably always been these struggles, but they seem so much severe now, or maybe, they are more recognizable now, than before. I have no clue what they are feeling or what they are going through. My heart breaks for them. However, I do understand going through a trial where there are few who understand how one is feeling. As I have pondered this, I have realized that although understanding helps, in every trial we need find comfort in it, whether it be through someone else, a higher power, or within ourselves, which is easier said than done.

I remember one day, within six months after my diagnosis, when I had a moment of realization of the affects gastroparesis could  have on my life. I was struggling to get things under control and knowing what I could and could not eat. I was sick. I was weak. I was discouraged. I was frustrated. This moment of realization shook me to the core and I broke down. What a blessing it was to have a true friend see what was going on and take time to talk to me and support me through my tears, fears and anger. She did not understand what I was going through, but she listened, cared and provided comfort. That meant the world to me.

To those who are struggling now with difficult news, with a new diagnosis, with an unbearable hardship, or dealing with an incredible challenge, I say to seek comfort. It could be through a dear friend who is willing to sit, listen and cry with you. Maybe it can be found in hours of quiet meditation. It could possibly be found in finding joy and blessings within. They hard part is that each situation is so different and there is no surefire way of finding peace and comfort.

Recently, I sat watching So You Think You Can Dance. The choreographer, while talking about the dance, explain that girl portrays anxiety and the guy represents a place where she can find comfort. The dance was moving. There were smooth moments and then there were moments of chaos. There were times when things seemed peaceful and good, but then, moments hit. In reality, you can replace anxiety with whatever trial you are going through. Put that in. Over the past ten years, I have seen how dealing with a chronic condition is much like this. There are smooth moments when life seems good, then something happens and that peace disappears in an instance, and it is hard. it's a continuous cycle.

The dance was set to a song that is used quite frequently. This time, it made more sense. "In the arms of angels, may you find some comfort in." The video is below. (There are longer videos online that have the explanation of the routine.)

Thank you to the FOX YouTube Channel for this video clip.

It is not easy going through trials, especially those that leave you broken and struggling to find joy or hope. To those friends of mine who have been dealing with devastating problems, emotional hardships, and life-altering challenges, seek the peace and comfort that can help. Seek someone who can help you to face these situation, with a little more ease (though it may never be easy). Please know there are many out there who are thinking of you and sending positive thoughts and prayers your way. On a personal note, I wish I could be there for each one of you, to listen, to cry, to hug, to comfort. Please know that I am doing what I can from where I am at, as I know how vitally important it is to have a support system or find someone with whom you can find comfort, if even for a second. 

You are loved!